Send us a textWhat if embracing gratitude could transform not just your personal life, but your professional world too? Join us as we chat with Steve Foran, an electrical engineer who turned his career towards advocating for grateful leadership. Together, we unravel our personal gratitude rituals—like my daily practice of sending out gratitude lists and Steve's habit of emailing his daily gratitudes. We explore the ripple effects that sharing gratitude can have, not only uplifting ourselves b...

Show Notes

Send us a text

What if embracing gratitude could transform not just your personal life, but your professional world too? Join us as we chat with Steve Foran, an electrical engineer who turned his career towards advocating for grateful leadership. Together, we unravel our personal gratitude rituals—like my daily practice of sending out gratitude lists and Steve's habit of emailing his daily gratitudes. We explore the ripple effects that sharing gratitude can have, not only uplifting ourselves but also spreading positivity to those around us. 

We dive into how the simple act of recording gratitude can bolster personal growth and even reshape our brains. I share my own journaling technique that follows a daily theme, while Steve and I discuss framing gratitude as both personal benefit and recognition of others' sacrifices. This dual perspective helps us appreciate our interconnections and the present moment. We also reflect on the challenges of weaving gratitude into the fabric of busy lives and workplaces, where it can enhance human connections and shift perspectives, ultimately creating a thriving workplace culture.

Finally, we talk about the role of gratitude in professional networking and the delicate balance between public expression and intimate sincerity. Sharing personal stories of vulnerability, including my own journey through loss and Steve's experiences with overcoming alcoholism, we underscore the courage required to share openly. Tune in to discover how gratitude can fortify bonds, encourage vulnerability, and offer insights into what truly matters, inspiring you to kickstart your own gratitude practice and make genuine connections in all areas of life.

Steve Foran
Steve@gratitudeeatwork.ca
http://www.gratitudeatwork.ca

http://linkedin.com/in/steveforangratefulceo

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Show Transcript

WEBVTT

00:00:03.488 --> 00:00:05.432
Welcome to the Successful Life Podcast.

00:00:05.432 --> 00:00:08.869
I'm your host, Corey Barrier, and I'm here with Steve Foran.

00:00:08.869 --> 00:00:09.351
What's up, buddy?

00:00:10.119 --> 00:00:13.670
Yeah, enjoying my day and looking forward to this conversation with you, Corey.

00:00:15.263 --> 00:00:16.949
I am looking forward to it as well.

00:00:16.949 --> 00:00:35.329
So, steve, I'm really excited about everything that we're going to talk about today and I think first, if you don't mind, just share a little bit about some of the things you've done and who you are, and give everybody a quick snapshot of who we're talking to today.

00:00:35.548 --> 00:00:42.862
Okay, and maybe, and even a thanks to Ryan Schutt, our mutual connection, who put the two of us together.

00:00:42.862 --> 00:00:44.284
I know he's a guest on your show.

00:00:44.284 --> 00:01:15.006
Previously, I like to say I'm an electrical engineer who had a bit of an aha moment and now I'm a believer in grateful leadership and I just teach the simple benefits of having a grateful life and how to do that Like it's a real simple thing to do, but really it's a game changer.

00:01:15.085 --> 00:01:15.807
Is that a good yeah?

00:01:15.807 --> 00:01:19.414
For sure, I'm like I'm exploding just to start asking questions.

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You go.

00:01:23.881 --> 00:01:24.022
One.

00:01:24.022 --> 00:01:27.207
I totally agree with you and that's really why.

00:01:27.207 --> 00:01:29.533
That's why ryan connected us.

00:01:29.533 --> 00:01:39.921
He said he sent me your book, which I appreciate, and he said, cory, I think you need to interview this guy.

00:01:39.921 --> 00:01:44.269
He's I've known him for about 15 years and I said, okay, tell me.

00:01:44.269 --> 00:02:07.433
He said I've been reading this guy's gratitude list for 15 years and, ironically so, I have a practice every morning that I send out about was close to 100 text messages and I write my gratitude list out for the day and Ryan's one of the people on that list and and it I don't know how common it is.

00:02:07.560 --> 00:02:14.082
Maybe it's more common than I think, but I don't believe it's probably that common that people send that out.

00:02:14.082 --> 00:02:32.045
And I did it for a couple of reasons Selfishly, I did it because I like to start my day out with gratitude, like to start my day out with gratitude, and my hope is, when people read it, that maybe they think about what they're grateful for.

00:02:32.045 --> 00:02:36.981
It's not about them reading my list necessarily Actually, it's really not that at all.

00:02:36.981 --> 00:03:09.677
It's hopefully to set them up for that mindset, because me, I haven't always been a grateful person, I've been very selfish, and it sets my day up to look at things from a through a different lens does that make this whole idea of gratitude is a perspective offer.

00:03:10.360 --> 00:03:16.413
It offers us a different perspective, or a deeper perspective on the world around it and how we make sense of it.

00:03:16.413 --> 00:03:23.219
And I do something similar, and Ryan said he's been reading my gratitudes for 15 years.

00:03:23.219 --> 00:03:27.110
It's been about 15 years that I started.

00:03:27.110 --> 00:03:37.711
On weekdays, I send out three gratitudes from me by email and a guest, and so after we're done here, I'd love you to be a guest for a week.

00:03:37.711 --> 00:03:50.036
And there are two main habits that I teach to help people really level up their mindset that, if they want if you want a world class mindset.

00:03:50.036 --> 00:04:00.275
Two simple habits make a list of what you're grateful for and consume other people's gratitudes, read or listen to them.

00:04:00.275 --> 00:04:10.705
And the second one I don't know anyone that teaches it what you're doing, though you are teaching it by what you're doing.

00:04:11.407 --> 00:04:17.824
I tripped into it by accident probably, I don't know 13 or 14 years ago.

00:04:18.045 --> 00:04:33.086
It was after I'd started setting my list out, but I subscribed to somebody else's gratitude blog and what I realized was on the days that I didn't feel like making my list, as we all have, don't we?

00:04:33.086 --> 00:04:57.103
Yeah, reading what someone else is grateful for is a nonjudgmental way for me to adjust my mindset, because no one's saying, like the folks that get your gratitudes, they're not saying Corey is telling me I should be grateful for blah, blah, blah.

00:04:57.103 --> 00:05:06.564
But when I'm having a crappy day or I'm having a great day and I read what Corey's grateful for, I got that too.

00:05:06.564 --> 00:05:07.245
I didn't.

00:05:07.245 --> 00:05:09.427
Maybe I've been taking that for granted.

00:05:09.427 --> 00:05:21.004
So it's not like I'm boogieing along, it's like, oh my goodness, how could I have not thought of and it's done in a nonjudgmental way.

00:05:21.004 --> 00:05:26.024
So that practice that you're doing, it just send them ripples out and it's helping start people on the right day.

00:05:26.024 --> 00:05:27.286
So good on you.

00:05:27.286 --> 00:05:37.675
And that's my take on this idea of recording them for ourselves but not sharing them with others so that they can benefit from it.

00:05:39.622 --> 00:05:43.672
You said something really important there.

00:05:43.672 --> 00:05:46.889
You said the ripple, the ripple effect.

00:05:46.889 --> 00:05:57.372
It is mind-blowing to me and I would have never anticipated the ripple effect, but it's a.

00:05:57.372 --> 00:06:11.153
It's amazing when you get back somebody else's gratitude list and maybe they've never done a gratitude list and the impact that it has on people's lives.

00:06:11.153 --> 00:06:13.588
I would have never anticipated that.

00:06:16.221 --> 00:06:27.259
When I started just want to build on your thing when I started, I had the idea I want to send out an email and I'm going to put and it was just me at the time, cause I, when I started, I had the idea I want to send out an email, and it was just me at the time.

00:06:27.259 --> 00:06:30.790
When I started, I didn't have the idea of having a guest in every week.

00:06:30.790 --> 00:06:38.273
I believed this is important, but you know how you can dote.

00:06:38.273 --> 00:06:39.379
It's important.

00:06:39.379 --> 00:06:48.819
You tell you the things in your head and for you listening or watching, right, you know that this solution is going to be the best solution for the client.

00:06:48.819 --> 00:06:56.290
But you wonder, oh geez, are they going to be interested in paying a little extra for this, or it's a little more complex to operate?

00:06:56.290 --> 00:07:08.802
And we start telling ourselves these stories that eat away at what we know is the right solution, or the best thing at what we know is the right solution or the best thing.

00:07:08.822 --> 00:07:11.305
I'd put a little yellow sticky note on my computer so that I would see it every day.

00:07:11.305 --> 00:07:20.266
This is important, like that's when you feel, like when you make a decision and you're all excited about it.

00:07:20.266 --> 00:07:26.362
That's when I wrote it and what it did was on the days that I didn't feel like writing it or whatever.

00:07:26.362 --> 00:07:39.410
Like I remember someone saying, character is not how you feel when you make the decision, it's how, six months later, a year later, what shows up when you don't feel like doing it, and that I just used it as a reminder.

00:07:39.410 --> 00:07:49.872
So it is absolutely important and these ripples that go out, like you said, what did it feel like when you get something back from someone else?

00:07:49.872 --> 00:07:50.694
Oh to the blue.

00:07:50.694 --> 00:07:53.069
And you might be thinking what difference am I making?

00:07:55.223 --> 00:07:56.430
You can't buy the feeling.

00:07:56.430 --> 00:07:59.386
Yeah, you can't buy the feeling.

00:07:59.386 --> 00:08:19.610
It's really, and I think and I think people could here's what I thought when I my my girlfriend, my partner, is the person that started sending it to me, and it was really long, and I thought why in the world does she send all this stuff?

00:08:19.610 --> 00:08:23.225
I don't have time to read all this selfish, I don't have time to read all this.

00:08:23.225 --> 00:08:53.144
And then I started sending it back, all this, and then I started sending it back to her, and then I started sending it to other people and what I found is it it's a, I think, the feeling that I get, not just sending it out, but the feeling from when people send it back you've made a difference, you've changed something about their day, and that's really important to me.

00:08:53.144 --> 00:08:54.267
It's impact.

00:08:55.450 --> 00:08:56.532
Yeah, it, it.

00:08:56.532 --> 00:08:58.226
It really isn't.

00:08:58.226 --> 00:09:10.633
I don't think you did it for that reason, Right In the first place, like if you, and if you do it to get something back, that's the wrong mindset, right, Wrong intention.

00:09:10.633 --> 00:09:13.486
You just do it to.

00:09:13.486 --> 00:09:16.346
If it helps someone, great, If it doesn't, great.

00:09:16.346 --> 00:09:18.283
And that's a beautiful.

00:09:18.283 --> 00:09:21.773
That's just a really beautiful approach to it yeah.

00:09:22.620 --> 00:09:27.331
I do wonder, though, if people people think, should I send it back?

00:09:27.331 --> 00:09:29.524
Does he really care what I'm grateful for?

00:09:29.524 --> 00:09:34.380
But they don't really understand how amazing it is to get that list back.

00:09:34.380 --> 00:09:38.187
Yes, I know it is, it's tremendous.

00:09:38.187 --> 00:09:43.895
So when you're writing your gratitude list, what?

00:09:43.895 --> 00:09:50.386
When you think about what it is you're going to write, is it something that is it do you?

00:09:50.386 --> 00:09:54.360
So this is how I do it, and let's just you see what you get out of this.

00:09:54.360 --> 00:09:58.629
I just think about I sometimes I'm grateful for the challenges.

00:09:58.629 --> 00:10:07.413
Lots of times in life, I'm grateful for the gifts, I'm grateful for the challenges and I'm grateful for the challenges, and I'm grateful that I can look at it that way.

00:10:07.413 --> 00:10:18.791
And so lots of times, my lists are around some of the challenges and being present, and so when you make your list, how is it you go about doing that?

00:10:20.822 --> 00:10:24.302
Over the years it's evolved and what I've noticed.

00:10:24.302 --> 00:10:31.711
I've mixed it up over the years, and I remember a few years ago I would I do three.

00:10:31.711 --> 00:11:05.264
Just in terms of my recording, I record three, and I remember I used to do family work, community, family work community, and currently, and probably for the past three or four years, I've just each day, I just find a theme, and so I take a theme and just build on a theme.

00:11:05.264 --> 00:11:31.264
So the other day, one of my themes was plan B, because things went sideways, and even if you don't know what the plan B is, I know you can create a plan B, and so I'll create a bit of a theme and then, okay, what's been happening, and sometimes the theme it usually is what's bubbling up in my life, things that are going on, and I typically do my.

00:11:31.684 --> 00:11:35.513
I record my gratitudes at night, at the end of my day.

00:11:35.513 --> 00:11:42.494
Typically, I start my day by consuming, reading other people's gratitudes.

00:11:42.494 --> 00:11:47.484
That's how I tend to start my day consuming reading other people's gratitudes.

00:11:47.484 --> 00:12:00.013
That's how I tend to start my day, and one of the key things here, though, that I think is really important for folks, for you listening or watching, is I want to encourage you not to just think about what you're grateful for.

00:12:00.013 --> 00:12:07.976
Take the extra step, grab a pen or use a gratitude app and record it.

00:12:07.976 --> 00:12:13.346
That physical, the kinetic it's a little tougher but it does.

00:12:13.346 --> 00:12:20.563
It has a greater impact on the neurotransmitters and the neuroplasticity in your brain and it rewires your brain.

00:12:20.563 --> 00:12:21.085
It's.

00:12:21.085 --> 00:12:35.214
You can think of it like if you go to the gym and you're doing curls with free weights and you don't put any weight on them right, pretty easy, but you don't get the results.

00:12:35.214 --> 00:12:39.466
Make them 20 pounders and it gets a little tough.

00:12:39.466 --> 00:12:45.927
And I'm a 20 pounder guy, not a 70 pounder guy on the biceps, but you put more weight on it.

00:12:46.288 --> 00:12:48.232
It's harder, but you get more results.

00:12:48.232 --> 00:12:52.429
I just want to encourage you to record them.

00:12:52.429 --> 00:12:58.465
I mix it Back to your original question.

00:12:58.465 --> 00:12:59.828
I mix it up.

00:12:59.828 --> 00:13:01.726
I look at what's going on in my life.

00:13:01.726 --> 00:13:03.645
Is there a theme to it?

00:13:03.645 --> 00:13:05.846
Sometimes I know my theme.

00:13:05.846 --> 00:13:10.047
My wife would be looking at me and she'd say you're stretching it there, buddy.

00:13:10.827 --> 00:13:13.374
You know, bud Makes sense.

00:13:13.374 --> 00:13:17.812
Now, when you say record it, I think of a voice recording.

00:13:17.812 --> 00:13:24.052
You mean you either write it down or type it in a note or something like that.

00:13:25.061 --> 00:13:36.514
Write or type and involve another sense, and so if you can't do that, speak them out loud, like that is better than just thinking about it.

00:13:36.514 --> 00:13:39.445
Because you have a conversation with somebody.

00:13:39.445 --> 00:13:44.822
How cathartic it can be how you get to them, you know what you're going to do.

00:13:44.822 --> 00:13:52.826
If you're facing a problem and you just talk to a friend about a challenge you're having, all of a sudden the ideas start coming, so you hear what you say.

00:13:52.826 --> 00:13:55.447
So that's another way to get that out as well too.

00:13:56.990 --> 00:14:01.932
Yeah, and for people that are auditory, it's really good for them.

00:14:01.932 --> 00:14:11.966
Kinesthetic, you could do either of the three Auditory speech and honestly that's interesting, so I type mine.

00:14:11.966 --> 00:14:17.105
Yeah, I type mine, yep, so that is recording.

00:14:17.105 --> 00:14:26.248
Now, do you go back and look at the list and do you ever go back and look, I don't really go back and look, I don't really go back and look, I don't.

00:14:26.629 --> 00:14:27.250
I don't either.

00:14:27.250 --> 00:14:28.803
I know people that do.

00:14:28.803 --> 00:14:35.370
I do Every now and then I did once because I record them on my website and people do.

00:14:35.370 --> 00:14:43.509
And there was this idea that I'd like to chat with you about here, and this is the reason I went back to look at my list.

00:14:43.509 --> 00:15:02.330
I went back and looked at I know there was like 16 000 gratitudes and we categorized them in one of two categories benefits to self or sacrifices to of others.

00:15:02.330 --> 00:15:06.294
Okay, right, do you get, because gratitude is two.

00:15:06.294 --> 00:15:07.841
There's two sides of a coin here.

00:15:07.841 --> 00:15:19.832
Like I could be in this instance, I could be grateful to be on this podcast, right, and I could be grateful because, core, you put your reputation on the line.

00:15:19.832 --> 00:15:22.445
This is your space.

00:15:22.445 --> 00:15:26.491
Right, you are putting your reputation online every time.

00:15:26.491 --> 00:15:30.206
You, and I'm just like I'm grateful for you for that.

00:15:30.206 --> 00:15:33.754
That is the sacrifice of somebody else.

00:15:34.677 --> 00:15:37.202
Yes, I could also be grateful for man.

00:15:37.202 --> 00:15:41.951
I'm gonna get lots of exposure and that right benefit to me yeah, yeah.

00:15:42.513 --> 00:15:45.085
Two sides of the same two, two sides of the same coin.

00:15:45.105 --> 00:15:47.409
Now for someone.

00:15:47.409 --> 00:15:49.360
You're watching, you're listening right.

00:15:49.360 --> 00:16:01.254
When you go to meet a customer, a potential customer, I'm going to ask you what are you grateful for about that meeting and nothing can be a benefit to you.

00:16:01.254 --> 00:16:21.647
And when you start thinking that way, how do you think you're going to show up in front of your customer Like Corey, how would you want me to show up on this podcast, thinking how much exposure I'm going to get, or really honoring the gift that you've given me here and again I go back to my website 16,000 gratitudes.

00:16:21.647 --> 00:16:29.596
We're four times more likely to frame our gratitudes as benefits to ourself versus sacrifices of others.

00:16:29.596 --> 00:16:43.985
So one of the things that maybe, even if you were to look at yours and that's why I looked at mine and I mix up how I frame my gratitudes I make sure sometimes I talk about benefits to me, my gratitudes.

00:16:43.985 --> 00:16:57.115
I make sure sometimes I talk about benefits to me, but if I'm always doing that, I'm losing sight of all the, because gratitude really recognizes our interdependence with others.

00:16:57.174 --> 00:16:58.480
What do you think of that?

00:16:58.480 --> 00:16:59.802
Yeah, I think you're, I think you're totally right.

00:16:59.802 --> 00:17:11.625
And now I need to go back and look to see, because because I don't I would never want it to come across a self that's.

00:17:11.625 --> 00:17:18.532
That is defeating the purpose a bit like in.

00:17:19.134 --> 00:17:23.963
I live in canada and on november 11th we call it remembrance day.

00:17:23.963 --> 00:17:25.547
But I know what do?

00:17:25.547 --> 00:17:28.592
Do you call it on November 11th in your country?

00:17:28.592 --> 00:17:32.548
No idea, is it Veterans Day Memorial?

00:17:32.980 --> 00:17:34.144
No, I think it's Veterans.

00:17:34.144 --> 00:17:35.589
One of those.

00:17:39.663 --> 00:17:41.951
So I'm grateful for my freedom.

00:17:41.951 --> 00:17:52.061
I'm grateful for my freedom.

00:17:52.061 --> 00:18:05.855
On November 11th, we really turn our eyes to those who've enabled our freedom and the sacrifices that they and their families have made, and that's because, to me, there's nothing wrong with benefits to self, but it's just mixing those two things up is really to me.

00:18:05.855 --> 00:18:10.888
Me, it was a game changer when I realized that too that's really interesting.

00:18:10.949 --> 00:18:14.382
It really makes me yeah, I've definitely got to go back and look and see.

00:18:14.382 --> 00:18:20.641
Um, yeah, I need to go back and look and see, because I think a lot of it might be.

00:18:20.641 --> 00:18:29.143
It might lean in towards the self, if I'm being honest, right, because lots of times it is things that I'm going through or.

00:18:29.143 --> 00:18:31.487
But I also look at it.

00:18:31.487 --> 00:18:44.851
I look at as an example if it's a challenge I'm having in at work or I am grateful for that because I'm going to learn something from it, right.

00:18:45.991 --> 00:18:48.236
Right, so that's benefit to you.

00:18:48.236 --> 00:18:53.065
So imagine like a challenge provides a benefit.

00:18:53.065 --> 00:18:55.332
When I talk to people about we do this exercise, people share their challenges.

00:18:55.332 --> 00:19:03.294
They're also grateful for all the people around them who tends to there's some support that they've had.

00:19:03.294 --> 00:19:04.644
It benefits them.

00:19:04.644 --> 00:19:08.761
Tends to there's some support that they've had.

00:19:08.761 --> 00:19:09.182
It benefits them.

00:19:09.182 --> 00:19:10.285
But it's other people's sacrifices that really happen.

00:19:10.285 --> 00:19:18.576
Because, um, people talk about what they learn from challenges, the person they become, but they what they've learned about themselves.

00:19:18.576 --> 00:19:25.133
Like what you've learned about yourself, that that you didn't realize that you had in you before, like all these types of things.

00:19:27.220 --> 00:19:30.926
But it helps you to be a better person.

00:19:30.926 --> 00:19:31.808
To other people.

00:19:31.808 --> 00:19:33.692
It could be a benefit.

00:19:33.692 --> 00:19:48.213
Yes, there's a benefit to the challenges, but also I think those benefits to self with the challenges helps me to recognize where I can do better with other people, no question.

00:19:48.213 --> 00:20:02.853
So you work with business owners on this process and what have you found and how do you go about doing that?

00:20:05.681 --> 00:20:08.931
It's a very simple process.

00:20:08.931 --> 00:20:20.669
It's not easy, though, because life happens, we have businesses to run and people to all these things, and it really is just helping people.

00:20:20.669 --> 00:20:48.212
What I do at the very beginning we do a simple training that helps folks see their life, in their work, their role, like just see it in a completely different way, through the lens of gratitude, and then give some real simple tools that we talked about, like simple making a list of what we're grateful for reading, listening to what others, and that is is there's no magic to it.

00:20:48.212 --> 00:20:52.124
Like, in some ways, I almost wonder why do people even hire me?

00:20:52.124 --> 00:21:00.863
This is so simple, but bob emmons he is, he would not, he would probably disagree with.

00:21:00.863 --> 00:21:07.519
He's the leading scientific researcher on gratitude, he's at a UC Davis, and.

00:21:07.881 --> 00:21:15.615
But Bob says the number one barrier to a gratitude practice is forgetfulness.

00:21:15.615 --> 00:21:22.413
We forget because things just got crazy at work.

00:21:22.413 --> 00:21:27.903
Something happened to my aunt, my wife, my child, like life gets in the way.

00:21:27.903 --> 00:21:32.513
And the other thing we forget are the tailwinds in life.

00:21:32.513 --> 00:21:46.550
When headwinds are on us, we notice them, but when we have tailwinds tailwinds like living in this society in which we live today we just adapt to it.

00:21:46.550 --> 00:21:52.490
We don't even realize that it is just pushing, boosting us along.

00:21:53.211 --> 00:21:59.163
So these things can, these tailwinds, forgetfulness can get in the way of it.

00:21:59.163 --> 00:22:05.334
So it really is not a come in once and let's do some training on it.

00:22:05.334 --> 00:22:10.893
But how do you build that into your culture the same way you would safety quality?

00:22:10.893 --> 00:22:18.453
And so really I don't do that for my clients, but I coach and support them in that so that they can make gratitude.

00:22:18.453 --> 00:22:26.693
How do you do it when you've got a crew of trucks out on the road and you want to, the same way you do safety or quality?

00:22:26.693 --> 00:22:32.113
You just find ways to integrate it into how you operate as an organization.

00:22:33.601 --> 00:22:41.295
And if I had to guess, the leader is typically the chokehold on whether that gets implemented or not.

00:22:41.295 --> 00:22:42.781
It is.

00:22:44.085 --> 00:22:52.567
And if you're sitting there and you're thinking my leader doesn't do it, I don't want to accept that as an excuse for you.

00:22:52.567 --> 00:22:58.970
Not to do it, because you can still do this In spite of this is just going to be a challenge for you, right, corey?

00:22:58.970 --> 00:23:03.644
Yeah, it's going to be a lot harder though.

00:23:03.644 --> 00:23:09.692
Yeah, no question, but it begins and ends with leadership, but that doesn't mean it has.

00:23:09.692 --> 00:23:13.036
It can't happen without leadership, right?

00:23:14.820 --> 00:23:27.036
I think you can imagine a work of contractors and if they would start their day out like this, they would have a whole different perspective on life.

00:23:27.036 --> 00:23:29.566
It's what it's done for me.

00:23:29.566 --> 00:23:36.272
It's forced me by doing that list and sending it out every day.

00:23:36.272 --> 00:23:39.210
It forces me to sit down and really think about.

00:23:39.210 --> 00:23:41.808
Sometimes it's really small things.

00:23:41.808 --> 00:23:46.328
Sometimes it's things like I'm really just grateful for waking up.

00:23:46.328 --> 00:23:48.467
I do an ice bath every morning.

00:23:48.467 --> 00:23:50.467
Do I love the ice bath?

00:23:50.467 --> 00:23:52.386
A hundred percent do not love it.

00:23:52.386 --> 00:23:57.971
However, I am grateful that I'm, that I get into it every day.

00:23:57.971 --> 00:24:02.050
I'm grateful that I have the opportunity to get into it.

00:24:02.050 --> 00:24:18.211
And it's really small things because we don't think about we don't think about the things that we take for granted until they're missing and right it's.

00:24:18.211 --> 00:24:21.569
I don't want to have that feeling.

00:24:22.740 --> 00:24:51.344
I don't want to have the feeling of if I, I just and I think this is a way to get past that- it is, and it's one of these things that the things that we take for granted are, for most of us, the things that are closest to us, the things that are most important to us, to us, the things that are most important to us.

00:24:51.344 --> 00:25:03.744
And so a gratitude practice what it does is it just helps elevate our awareness of what we have and it enables us to be more intentional about how we're going to respond to it.

00:25:03.744 --> 00:25:11.505
Not guilt when I realized just the privilege that I have in this world.

00:25:11.505 --> 00:25:13.529
I don't want to accept it with guilt.

00:25:13.529 --> 00:25:15.493
Why me and why not someone?

00:25:15.493 --> 00:25:16.863
But I don't know why me.

00:25:16.903 --> 00:25:17.505
But do you know what?

00:25:17.505 --> 00:25:18.607
What a gift.

00:25:18.607 --> 00:25:19.990
Accept it with gratitude.

00:25:19.990 --> 00:25:36.173
And when we do that, when you're grateful, you want to say thank you, you want to reciprocate, we want to do things, and that's that ripple that you talked about earlier, because that helps create a better world.

00:25:36.173 --> 00:25:49.884
One little smile, interaction at a time, like how we act at the supermarket or grocery store, when we're interacting with whoever's checking us out.

00:25:49.884 --> 00:25:57.015
To me, that is an excellent time for me to say thank you, just by how I interact with the people that I deal with.

00:25:59.102 --> 00:25:59.785
Yeah, I agree.

00:25:59.785 --> 00:26:04.328
And that person in the supermarket, to your point, people.

00:26:04.328 --> 00:26:10.008
That may be the first time I like to ask people how they're doing, how their day's going.

00:26:10.008 --> 00:26:12.073
How much longer do you have to work?

00:26:12.073 --> 00:26:13.340
Because I don't.

00:26:13.340 --> 00:26:17.509
I believe that they probably don't get a lot of that interaction every day.

00:26:18.491 --> 00:26:18.771
They don't.

00:26:18.771 --> 00:26:28.249
I do the same thing and it takes it from a transaction to more of a human connection and I remember how are you doing?

00:26:28.249 --> 00:26:31.829
And everyone says a lot of people say how are you doing?

00:26:31.829 --> 00:26:36.160
And then I'll just look them in the eye and say how's your day going.

00:26:36.160 --> 00:26:38.905
I did this once, this one woman.

00:26:38.905 --> 00:26:52.800
She looked back at me and then she just broke down, corey, and she said man, I'm just actually.

00:26:52.800 --> 00:26:58.372
It's happened several times because people have a lot of stuff going on in their life and they're holding it together and it just is.

00:26:58.372 --> 00:27:05.930
There's some solidarity in human connection and it's just a real, I think it's a real beautiful thing that you're doing.

00:27:05.930 --> 00:27:06.892
So keep doing it.

00:27:08.842 --> 00:27:09.282
Thank you.

00:27:09.282 --> 00:27:43.413
I appreciate that and I think four years ago we got to experience such a lack of human connection and it made me realize how important it was, because it was just all of a sudden it was not there and the masks and you couldn't see people's facial expressions, and I think I can't even imagine what kind of damage that probably did.

00:27:43.413 --> 00:27:51.519
But it made me realize this is important, it's really important, and I'm in recovery.

00:27:51.519 --> 00:27:57.951
I'm a recovering alcoholic, so I go to meetings and I need that human connection.

00:27:57.951 --> 00:28:02.602
Otherwise I'm left to my own devices, which is not great.

00:28:02.602 --> 00:28:09.213
But it also gives me an opportunity to hear.

00:28:09.213 --> 00:28:18.734
If this, I don't know, this sounds terrible, but sometimes it really shifts my perspective.

00:28:18.734 --> 00:28:34.428
If I hear somebody talking about what's going on in their life, that maybe is not that great, it doesn't make me feel like I'm better than them, but it does take me back to the times that weren't that great for me and then I can really be grateful.

00:28:34.428 --> 00:28:36.032
I'm not in that spot.

00:28:36.032 --> 00:28:37.196
Yeah, it is.

00:28:37.217 --> 00:28:39.982
And we hear people that we can.

00:28:39.982 --> 00:28:46.595
It's natural to compare as a human and I don't think it serves me well when I compare.

00:28:46.595 --> 00:29:40.707
You can hear somebody talk about what they're grateful for and it's a bit of a calibrator Because I found myself I just got off a call with somebody before we we connected here and she was talking about the difference in work cultures from the country she came from to the country she's in now and how that she's able to interact with the owners, and it just made me like again things we take for granted here and this is something that someone is just talking about how fortunate they feel in an entry level position in an organization to be able to have this like privilege to talk to them without having to call them sir, madam, mr, mrs, and they care about me and they know my name.

00:29:40.707 --> 00:29:46.883
It's a bit of a shake your head moment.

00:29:49.075 --> 00:29:55.241
But people want that and I think people want that more than they want another dollar or two per hour.

00:29:55.241 --> 00:30:00.142
I see this a lot in the trades.

00:30:00.142 --> 00:30:07.363
People jump around and they jump from job to job.

00:30:07.363 --> 00:30:15.063
I don't believe that would be the case in that organization, which take your pick.

00:30:15.063 --> 00:30:20.089
If there was more human connection, just ask your employees how they're doing.

00:30:20.089 --> 00:30:24.701
Just ingenuinely ask how they're doing.

00:30:24.701 --> 00:30:30.262
Spend four, five minutes with them, because it means the world to people.

00:30:30.262 --> 00:30:34.019
It's more important than the extra dollar an hour.

00:30:35.352 --> 00:30:36.596
Yeah, it absolutely is.

00:30:36.596 --> 00:30:51.734
And you highlighted something there, corey, with the word genuine, and we all we just know it has to be genuine, because if someone's not genuine, you sniff it out in a second right, you just know.

00:30:51.734 --> 00:31:08.405
But people, one of the things that I've learned over the years through I'm an engineer, not a psychologist fundamental, foundational needs that we have as humans that need to get met.

00:31:08.405 --> 00:31:19.897
For us to show up as our best selves at work, at home, community doesn't matter we need to feel capable and competent, meaning we're skilled, trained, we have all the technical side.

00:31:19.897 --> 00:31:24.814
And two we need to feel, believe that we're socially valued.

00:31:24.814 --> 00:31:33.115
We need to know that someone cares about me and at work, that person is my boss.

00:31:33.115 --> 00:31:42.221
And if I don't think that my boss genuinely cares for me, even if I have all the skills, I'm not going to show up as my best self.

00:31:44.471 --> 00:32:01.361
And the challenge for that is if you have folks that report to you and you do genuinely care for them and I think most people do if your folks don't believe it, it doesn't matter, it's going to be what they believe and that's really hard.

00:32:01.361 --> 00:32:07.919
So we really, to me, it's really important to step up as a leader and like how are things in the?

00:32:07.919 --> 00:32:09.963
I know your son was trying out for the football.

00:32:09.963 --> 00:32:11.556
How'd they make out with it?

00:32:11.556 --> 00:32:13.848
Your daughter, she's doing ice skating.

00:32:13.848 --> 00:32:21.400
Are you going away for the weekend for that competition and to really build that and be genuine with it?

00:32:21.400 --> 00:32:23.474
Those are really important things.

00:32:25.138 --> 00:32:29.160
Yeah, I agree and I think, yeah, I totally agree.

00:32:29.160 --> 00:32:33.549
It's in your subconscious, can sniff it out, right.

00:32:33.549 --> 00:32:42.619
If you're not genuine, I may not know what it is about you, that I'm not, that's not connecting, but inside I know that something's off.

00:32:42.619 --> 00:32:46.619
And if I know something's off, I'm not going to move forward.

00:32:46.619 --> 00:33:07.383
If I'm trying to sell something or buy something or there's, it's a it's, it's an internal, it's an internal guide, if you will, that there's incongruence, and if there's incongruence in the conversation or in the facial expressions or in the tone, you can, you're going to pick it up.

00:33:07.950 --> 00:33:08.751
You're going to pick it up.

00:33:08.751 --> 00:33:25.082
Our kids are grown now but when they were small they knew, like I knew in my network, who were kid people and who weren't kid people, because I knew them and knew that my kids knew it as soon as they were around them.

00:33:25.082 --> 00:33:29.636
They didn't have to say anything and my just avoided them like it's they?

00:33:29.636 --> 00:33:34.364
This is little kids yeah, 100.

00:33:34.824 --> 00:33:35.505
So that's a great.

00:33:35.505 --> 00:33:37.692
That's a great segue actually.

00:33:37.692 --> 00:33:52.919
When, as a parent, you're a parent parent, when your kids are looking to you for guidance as an example, they know when that's not happening.

00:33:52.919 --> 00:34:08.199
They know when, if you're doing things let's just say, I'll take the drinking example If you're drinking, they know something's not right and there's going to be trust broken there.

00:34:08.199 --> 00:34:09.896
It's really hard.

00:34:09.896 --> 00:34:12.998
The way a friend of mine says that.

00:34:12.998 --> 00:34:22.423
He says whenever you lose trust, it's like you dump the trust out of the bucket and then it comes back in one drip at a time.

00:34:22.423 --> 00:34:25.896
It's really hard to get trust back.

00:34:27.302 --> 00:34:32.550
Yeah, yeah, gratitude.

00:34:32.550 --> 00:34:32.791
Bit of time.

00:34:32.791 --> 00:34:34.134
Oh yeah, it's really hard to get trust back.

00:34:34.134 --> 00:34:34.635
Yeah, yeah, gratitude.

00:34:34.635 --> 00:34:41.829
I know folks that are our kids were half grown, uh, when I started this work and they call it my midlife crisis.

00:34:41.829 --> 00:34:44.434
So they joke with me around it.

00:34:44.434 --> 00:34:50.925
But they I see people who are teaching their kids.

00:34:50.925 --> 00:34:55.822
So I started when my kids were like 12, 13 years old.

00:34:55.822 --> 00:35:01.474
Right, I know people who are doing it when their kids are three, four, five years old, when they go to bed at night.

00:35:01.474 --> 00:35:03.018
Just ask them what they're grateful for.

00:35:03.692 --> 00:35:05.717
Like, young children really don't.

00:35:05.717 --> 00:35:15.880
Cognitively, are not able to understand what gratitude is truly until somewhere between 9 and 13.

00:35:15.880 --> 00:35:18.773
I don't know the exact age, but different things I've looked at.

00:35:18.773 --> 00:35:21.260
Our brain doesn't develop enough.

00:35:21.260 --> 00:36:08.422
We still think we're the center of the universe when we're small, right, but these exercises and practices that parents teach their kids when they're three, four, five, six, seven years old they've done research on this, so science has looked at this and then come back seven, eight years later and the effect on young adolescents is that there is a marked improvement in gratitude and delayed gratification in how these kids show up in school, their social connections, fewer tummy aches, all these types of things that we would think in adults lead to higher performance in a workplace, that lead to well-adjusted young adults and kids.

00:36:08.422 --> 00:36:12.039
So it's really I think you can't start too soon.

00:36:12.039 --> 00:36:13.342
Be the example.

00:36:14.791 --> 00:36:15.833
That is a great example.

00:36:15.833 --> 00:36:19.081
Well, between I think it's ages zero and seven, from the studies.

00:36:19.081 --> 00:36:31.005
That's where we for the lack of better terms we program and we just on that same program for the rest of your life, which is really nuts to think about.

00:36:31.005 --> 00:36:34.757
It's, it's 100 percent true.

00:36:34.757 --> 00:36:40.641
I mean, you said something earlier that I want to hone in on.

00:36:40.641 --> 00:36:48.380
You said whatever they believe, if it's the employees don't believe that you're grateful, or they don't believe whatever you're saying, it is whatever.

00:36:48.380 --> 00:36:51.824
It doesn't matter if you're you think it's believable or not.

00:36:51.824 --> 00:36:53.994
If they don't believe it, it's not true.

00:36:53.994 --> 00:36:54.414
Right?

00:36:54.414 --> 00:37:06.925
Because our perception, my perception of you and your perception of me, is the real thing, because that's what I believe and doesn't really matter if it's true or not.

00:37:06.925 --> 00:37:08.755
That's what I believe.

00:37:08.755 --> 00:37:12.097
It's really hard to change that.

00:37:14.179 --> 00:37:14.969
It is hard to change.

00:37:14.969 --> 00:37:27.789
But back on that, the only thing as leaders is just lean into it and we can't make people guilt.

00:37:27.789 --> 00:37:36.960
If you try and force someone, it's just be the example and let time prove you right.

00:37:36.960 --> 00:37:43.949
And it's hard, it's not easy, because you might lose some folks as a result of it some really good folks.

00:37:43.949 --> 00:37:45.829
It's hard as a result of it, some really good folks.

00:37:46.969 --> 00:37:55.239
It's hard, so curious from a monetary perspective, and I don't know if you have this information or not.

00:37:55.239 --> 00:37:57.322
My guess is that you probably do.

00:37:57.322 --> 00:37:57.543
So.

00:37:57.543 --> 00:38:07.018
Let's just give me an example of a company not the name of the company that you've gone in and things that you've worked with them on.

00:38:07.018 --> 00:38:27.161
This process, the gratitude process, what would you say monetarily changes, because everybody wants to tie money to everything and I imagine people want to know if there's going to be a monetary, which is the wrong intention, really, but I imagine that's part of the conversation.

00:38:27.161 --> 00:38:34.641
So what have you seen with someone who does it for monetary gain?

00:38:34.641 --> 00:38:43.362
And then what have you seen for someone who genuinely wants to be grateful and instill that in the culture?

00:38:43.362 --> 00:38:44.804
What have you seen?

00:38:45.469 --> 00:38:49.280
Yeah, I know I've lost I don't know how much.

00:38:49.280 --> 00:39:02.340
I don't know how much business I've lost when I've said, if you're just doing this to improve the bottom line, don't bother starting, and I know I haven't started with a number of clients because of that.

00:39:03.512 --> 00:39:13.942
But there's science out there that has looked in workplaces and found that people in the receiving end of gratitude 50% more productive.

00:39:13.942 --> 00:39:29.865
They're more intrinsically motivated, which is like intrinsic motivation is tied to higher levels of job satisfaction, which is lower turnover, people showing up for work less likely to cut corners.

00:39:29.865 --> 00:39:33.079
Safety is higher for people who are grateful.

00:39:33.079 --> 00:39:53.233
So then you take some of the studies that are out there on this would look at somewhere between $2,600, $2,700 per employee per year in avoided costs from turnover, presenteeism, sick time, all these types of things.

00:39:54.295 --> 00:40:34.597
And I remember working with a company that I worked with, but before I worked with them we were sitting in their boardroom with the executive and they asked a similar question and I said look, if you would like to do some work and benchmark where things are today and then we can come back in six months and a year's time assess the change that's made, I'm all in with this, like I'm an engineer, right, I want to quantify this wherever you can, and even though there's all these moving parts in an organization, that has been the biggest challenge in getting it.

00:40:34.597 --> 00:40:35.760
But I'll come back.

00:40:35.760 --> 00:40:38.239
So I'm in the boardroom and I say I'm all in.

00:40:38.239 --> 00:40:40.918
What, if you want to do this?

00:40:40.918 --> 00:40:43.335
And then one of the executive.

00:40:43.335 --> 00:40:50.842
She says wouldn't that just cheapen it?

00:40:50.842 --> 00:40:59.418
Wouldn't that this idea of trying to quantify and measure it all?

00:40:59.418 --> 00:41:03.545
Wouldn't that just cheapen it?

00:41:03.545 --> 00:41:17.641
Because what they're really trying to do is unleash a culture where their people can thrive at work, and if we try to reduce it to a bottom line number, are we missing the point?

00:41:17.641 --> 00:41:19.063
Here is what she was saying.

00:41:19.952 --> 00:41:20.414
I think so.

00:41:21.090 --> 00:41:22.355
And the room went quiet.

00:41:23.418 --> 00:41:23.719
I bet.

00:41:25.251 --> 00:41:31.353
And they said we'll get started with the training next week or whenever it was that we got going with it.

00:41:31.353 --> 00:41:42.295
So what I see most that you can get back is just lower turnover, is that people have higher levels of satisfaction.

00:41:42.295 --> 00:41:50.574
Employee engagement scores is something else that we see that people can measure and say, yep, we've had our like making a movement.

00:41:50.574 --> 00:41:52.699
I'm talking to another client now.

00:41:52.699 --> 00:41:56.760
They just got some engagement scores that were lower than they were looking for.

00:41:56.760 --> 00:42:01.251
They want to lean into recognition and building a culture of gratitude.

00:42:01.251 --> 00:42:10.039
That's another way to measure it and it's still a step removed from ROI on the bottom line.

00:42:10.920 --> 00:42:34.670
But it's behaviors each and every day that show up in how we interact with each other going to receive, but if they do it genuinely, with the right intention, there's a level of joy that's going to come along with that, which is bound to improve the bottom line.

00:42:34.670 --> 00:42:37.335
Even if it doesn't, you're a happier person.

00:42:39.822 --> 00:42:49.175
Happiness is one of the key outcomes of building a grateful mindset, and not happiness that goes up and down, that is based on what's going on in the world.

00:42:49.635 --> 00:43:00.461
We're talking about happiness that is genuine being, that enables you to feel like life is a playground, even when crap's happening, and gratitude is.

00:43:00.461 --> 00:43:25.280
It's not about ignoring and pretending crap doesn't happen, but when crap happens, when think people crews are like we're down, like 20 of our staff today, we have all these customers that need to get serviced and whether it's in new installs or maintenance calls or emergency calls that we're dealing with.

00:43:25.280 --> 00:43:34.197
That's when we need the executive function in our brain, and the only way we get that is when we're in a positive emotional state.

00:43:34.197 --> 00:43:47.960
If I sink into a negative emotional state when all this stuff's happening, I lose my ability to think critically, to be innovative, to make decisions and all these, and it can feel like the world's just going away on us.

00:43:47.960 --> 00:43:58.739
A gratitude practice is going to help people be better leaders and to deal with the crap, so I think it's the thing we need the most when the proverbial hits the fan.

00:43:59.601 --> 00:44:04.914
Yeah, I agree with you, and when you were explaining all that I thought, okay, so what could be?

00:44:04.914 --> 00:44:06.556
What would be?

00:44:06.556 --> 00:44:08.079
How would I look at?

00:44:08.079 --> 00:44:11.344
We've got maintenance calls.

00:44:11.344 --> 00:44:12.666
We're 20% down.

00:44:12.666 --> 00:44:14.192
I have to look at.

00:44:14.192 --> 00:44:16.177
I'm grateful that we have customers.

00:44:16.177 --> 00:44:17.201
We do.

00:44:19.471 --> 00:44:22.773
We've got customers and it's what's our.

00:44:22.773 --> 00:44:25.862
We've got customers that we've got relationships with.

00:44:25.862 --> 00:44:42.210
I know there's three that we can call and we're going to be able to get that like we start from a place of not scarcity, but really it's abundance, and maybe it's just grateful for the team that's here that's willing to step up.

00:44:42.210 --> 00:44:45.315
And if you can work till seven tonight, great.

00:44:45.315 --> 00:44:53.760
If you can't work and you've got to be home at four or five whenever it is, that's fine too, but we're grateful that you're going to be here with us today.

00:44:53.760 --> 00:45:21.355
It really coming from that place of what we have, because gratitude is about noticing what we have and if we only focus on what we don't have, which is how our brains are wired right, yes, like just if you get a call from your boss or a customer like your biggest customer sends you a text I need to talk to you right now what is the first thing that comes to mind?

00:45:21.355 --> 00:45:22.659
What do you?

00:45:22.739 --> 00:45:23.199
want to do.

00:45:24.001 --> 00:45:24.222
Yeah.

00:45:24.222 --> 00:45:28.440
Does anyone think we're getting a big project?

00:45:28.440 --> 00:45:31.503
Nope, because that's what they could be texting about, right?

00:45:31.503 --> 00:45:42.282
100%, so we focus on what we don't have, and so when we're down 20%, we need to be able to focus on the resources that we have, not on the resources that aren't here.

00:45:43.465 --> 00:45:45.315
Right, and it's a bigger number.

00:45:45.315 --> 00:45:48.117
Focus on the 80%, not the which one.

00:45:48.338 --> 00:45:49.971
How do we use that today?

00:45:49.971 --> 00:45:52.233
And it's one step at a time, right?

00:45:52.233 --> 00:45:57.641
Yes, you get it cory, right yeah?

00:45:58.523 --> 00:45:59.405
yeah, because we don't.

00:45:59.405 --> 00:46:03.715
We can't control anything, but tomorrow's not promised for any of us.

00:46:03.715 --> 00:46:09.963
No, it's just not and it's what we can do right now.

00:46:09.963 --> 00:46:10.864
And guess what?

00:46:10.864 --> 00:46:12.592
I can only control what I can touch.

00:46:12.592 --> 00:46:14.938
I've got no control over anything else.

00:46:14.938 --> 00:46:15.780
I just don't.

00:46:15.780 --> 00:46:20.193
I can try all I want, but it's just not going to work out.

00:46:20.293 --> 00:46:39.831
At least that's my experience yeah, it is, and I just wonder, like for you, what has been I don't know, like the biggest benefit that might not be the best term for it, but of having and building this practice?

00:46:39.831 --> 00:46:42.373
What has it done for maybe?

00:46:42.373 --> 00:46:43.695
What has it done for you?

00:46:44.815 --> 00:47:14.164
I think that it has given me the ability to touch people in a very, in a very special way People that I do, people that are clients that I do business with, because they, I think they see there's it's almost like for lack of better term it's almost like a.

00:47:14.164 --> 00:47:29.382
It's almost like a magic trick, because it is and the intention wasn't for it to be that way, but it's allowed me to build really deep relationships with people that otherwise would have taken.

00:47:29.382 --> 00:47:33.364
I don't know how else I would have built those deep relationships.

00:47:33.364 --> 00:47:36.690
Right, does that make sense?

00:47:36.690 --> 00:47:38.396
Has that been similar to your experience?

00:47:39.311 --> 00:47:40.998
It's been a game changer for me.

00:47:40.998 --> 00:48:01.951
I almost feel like I have this insulated vest, like I don't know.

00:48:01.951 --> 00:48:03.673
Just that protects me from like when COVID four years ago.

00:48:03.673 --> 00:48:09.965
When that happened it don't get me wrong, it affected me, but I know, if I didn't have my gratitude practice, I know it would have been a lot different.

00:48:09.965 --> 00:48:39.382
And when things happen, I know I can get sucked into the chaos, but I'm able to notice that more quickly and get myself back out of it so that I'm in a place where I can and I ain't perfect Like I I'm not perfect, okay, but I'm a better chance being the person that I am striving to be.

00:48:39.382 --> 00:48:43.469
It's a journey.

00:48:43.469 --> 00:48:45.918
It's a journey of mastery, too, I believe.

00:48:47.152 --> 00:48:50.030
And people can see that I I get.

00:48:50.030 --> 00:49:02.597
I really, when I send my list out, it's really from my heart, like it's really things that I mean there's no fluff, like it's not.

00:49:02.597 --> 00:49:08.291
I don't send it out for any reason other than that those are the things that I'm grateful for and I think that it.

00:49:08.291 --> 00:49:12.141
I just think it touches people in a different way.

00:49:12.882 --> 00:49:13.103
Yeah.

00:49:13.670 --> 00:49:15.518
It's hard to explain really.

00:49:19.610 --> 00:49:22.340
We have enough people telling us what to do every day.

00:49:22.340 --> 00:49:26.489
Your list you're not telling anyone to do anything.

00:49:26.489 --> 00:49:27.070
That's the.

00:49:27.070 --> 00:49:35.221
That's what I love about it, and people are going to do something with it.

00:49:35.221 --> 00:49:47.445
Without you telling them to do anything with it, they take it upon themselves and do something with it, and that, I think, is a really powerful idea.

00:49:47.445 --> 00:49:51.945
Corey, right, how you influence, that's leadership, right?

00:49:51.945 --> 00:49:54.824
Leadership, to me, is about influence and how we influence others.

00:49:54.824 --> 00:49:57.961
How do you influence a customer to buy?

00:49:57.961 --> 00:49:59.706
They decide.

00:49:59.706 --> 00:50:06.143
How we show up, though, has a tremendous impact on how we influence others.

00:50:08.458 --> 00:50:26.010
I agree there's been a few people that it's almost facilitated a relationship that they don't have otherwise.

00:50:27.556 --> 00:50:49.168
When people send back stuff that's really deep and true to them, and I have a few of those that really really reach deep and sometimes there's one guy in particular that he's he just he really puts it out there for me.

00:50:49.268 --> 00:51:22.740
I don't know that he sends it to anybody else, I have no idea, but but seeing that evolve too, it went from these things like the surface-level gratitude and to now it's grateful for the conversation I got to have with my kid after football about the challenges in his life, as an example, and I don't know if he would have thought about those things if we hadn't have started this back and forth.

00:51:22.902 --> 00:51:31.849
And I always comment on what he sends me because I think it's important, that's recognized and and it validates.

00:51:31.849 --> 00:51:40.168
I think it validates feelings and it validates that they can have that.

00:51:40.168 --> 00:52:00.737
It's almost a vulnerability, not in a negative sense, meaning it gives them an opportunity to be vulnerable about things that are really close to the vest and as men especially, we keep things really close to the vest and as men especially, we keep things sometimes close to the vest.

00:52:00.737 --> 00:52:13.983
We don't want macho whatever, but this guy in particular is just really opened up and it's really, it's just really cool.

00:52:13.983 --> 00:52:20.757
I met the guy one time in my life and I feel like I know him at a level that's incredible.

00:52:21.679 --> 00:52:55.246
And he knows you at a level because, like I, believe in as little as 15 gratitudes, we get to know somebody very well, and this goes back to your point about how you can really build relationships and sharing what we're grateful for with each other, and it might start with like coffee or whatever, but as we get to know each other, we start going deeper and more meaningful.

00:52:55.246 --> 00:53:25.753
And, within a team, imagine a team, a crew, that really got to know what was really important in each other's lives, because that's what surfaces up when we start talking about what we're grateful for and, on any given day, it is the things that are happening in and around our lives, because people will tell me I feel like I know you so well, steve, and these are people I have never met, never talked to, right.

00:53:25.753 --> 00:53:28.119
They receive an email every day.

00:53:28.119 --> 00:53:43.820
I know the ins and outs and the ups and downs and the rhythms of our lives and your folks that get your gratitudes same thing our lives and your folks that get your gratitudes.

00:53:43.880 --> 00:53:44.181
Same thing.

00:53:44.181 --> 00:53:44.663
Yeah, it's amazing.

00:53:44.663 --> 00:53:48.871
I would encourage anybody to start this practice, because it's just something about it that most I don't know.

00:53:48.871 --> 00:53:55.027
I don't know how many people tell even their significant other that they're grateful for them.

00:53:55.027 --> 00:53:56.278
Probably not a lot.

00:53:56.278 --> 00:54:02.141
We probably just assume they know that, but you can't assume anything, in my opinion.

00:54:03.364 --> 00:54:03.826
You can't.

00:54:03.826 --> 00:54:07.336
One of my clients, the CEO.

00:54:07.336 --> 00:54:13.675
They've got seven or eight different facilities, 140 people not a huge company, right?

00:54:13.675 --> 00:54:16.458
We did the initial training with them.

00:54:16.458 --> 00:54:27.047
People have been there like 30 years in this facility, didn't know, never met someone in another facility, didn't even know their name, right?

00:54:27.047 --> 00:54:28.409
So what they did?

00:54:28.409 --> 00:54:39.237
She said we're going to set up some gratitude buddies, what I want you to do.

00:54:39.237 --> 00:54:41.324
For 30 days you're going to have a gratitude buddy at another facility.

00:54:41.324 --> 00:54:44.916
You're going to pair up with someone and then once a day you're going to text each other one thing you're grateful for.

00:54:44.916 --> 00:54:47.945
That's probably seven years ago.

00:54:47.965 --> 00:54:48.646
They started that.

00:54:48.646 --> 00:54:52.516
It most stopped after 30 days.

00:54:52.516 --> 00:55:09.719
Some are still going, but what folks said I can't believe how much I got to know this other person and it was like and the thing is, corey say, you and I were gratitude buddies and it's Thursday night at 10 o'clock.

00:55:09.719 --> 00:55:17.764
You sent me gratitudes in the morning but you haven't heard from me yet 10 o'clock.

00:55:17.764 --> 00:55:21.659
You're probably going to pick up your phone and go Steve, haven't heard from you today.

00:55:21.659 --> 00:55:23.385
What are you grateful for?

00:55:23.385 --> 00:55:35.525
And I come back with something like just having a really hard day, what Having someone like you on the other end makes me feel really appreciated, so grateful for our friendship.

00:55:35.525 --> 00:55:37.240
Talk tomorrow, something like that.

00:55:37.240 --> 00:55:39.521
And it does build connections.

00:55:39.521 --> 00:55:47.989
So in an organization, the simple idea of getting people to pair up and say just want you to do it for 30 days.

00:55:48.135 --> 00:55:49.635
This isn't a lifelong commitment.

00:55:49.635 --> 00:55:51.981
Do it for 30 days and see how it works.

00:55:53.286 --> 00:55:56.563
Yeah, I agree.

00:55:56.563 --> 00:56:00.367
I believe 100% that it will work, know it will.

00:56:00.367 --> 00:56:02.032
We were proof of it.

00:56:02.454 --> 00:56:23.983
yeah, so tell me a bit about the book, if you would, your book yeah it, it's full of stories, a little bit about my journey from being an electrical engineer to a believer in grateful leadership and just the lessons that I learned along the way.

00:56:23.983 --> 00:57:03.070
And really I remember at the book launch one of my best friends got up and said I can't believe he told some of the stories that he told in this book, because I don't.

00:57:03.070 --> 00:57:11.876
You're gonna leave feeling positive and uplifted and I don't go to get therapy by talking about all my challenges.

00:57:11.876 --> 00:57:23.280
But in the not that I do but in the book we go a little deeper into some of the basic learnings that I've had about gratitude and then what you can do.

00:57:23.280 --> 00:57:25.346
What are the practical things that you can do?

00:57:25.346 --> 00:57:38.822
Really, I always call it it's like a step-by-step guide on things that you can do to live a thriving life, so that you feel, like my words, life is like a playground and I believe it can be that for everyone.

00:57:41.226 --> 00:57:41.527
I agree.

00:57:41.527 --> 00:57:52.847
In the name of the book it is Surviving to Thriving Ten Laws of Grateful Leadership.

00:57:56.219 --> 00:57:57.364
Do you guys have Amazon?

00:57:59.619 --> 00:57:59.981
Oh yeah.

00:58:09.315 --> 00:58:10.396
The bane of my existence and my favorite store.

00:58:10.396 --> 00:58:17.237
Yeah, so like I've been doing this work for probably 10, 11 years and I've been thinking about writing a book and not writing a book, and three years in I wrote a book.

00:58:17.237 --> 00:58:18.782
I showed it to my kids.

00:58:18.782 --> 00:58:26.143
They said dad, that's not a book, that's a book, let first, one that I wrote 30 pages.

00:58:26.143 --> 00:58:28.307
It's harder to write a 30 page book.

00:58:28.307 --> 00:58:39.865
And then I had a goal to write a book for a while and in my over the years then I'd three months into, the year is not the year, this is not the year.

00:58:41.257 --> 00:58:51.630
And in 2018 I decided it's the or 17 because it came out in 18, no 9, 18.

00:58:51.630 --> 00:59:03.541
I made it because it was published in 2019 and you put a book out and it's like inviting the entire world to your house and you're hoping someone shows up.

00:59:03.541 --> 00:59:04.965
You know what I mean.

00:59:04.965 --> 00:59:09.099
Oh yeah, I've written a book and that's what I felt like.

00:59:09.099 --> 00:59:11.443
Is anyone going to take this and buy it?

00:59:11.443 --> 00:59:15.340
It didn't make New York Times bestseller, wall Street bestseller.

00:59:15.340 --> 00:59:19.188
And then I get this text one day and I'm doing a session.

00:59:19.188 --> 00:59:21.262
I see all these orders going flying.

00:59:21.262 --> 00:59:43.610
The Greater Good Science Center at Berkeley recommended it as one of the top reads for the summer and really it's a story about an engineer with some knowledge about psychology a engineer with some knowledge about psychology and even Inc called it one of the top 10 positive psychology books to read.

00:59:43.610 --> 00:59:52.963
I'm an engineer, I'm not a psychologist, but really, as an engineer, I like to think there's some practical takeaways that you can use in it.

00:59:53.824 --> 00:59:55.226
So I want you to tell me.

00:59:55.226 --> 01:00:14.005
I know we're getting close on time, but I'm curious what story in the book did you almost not put in because of that chatter that we get in our mind and maybe yeah.

01:00:14.025 --> 01:00:14.427
Does that make sense?

01:00:14.427 --> 01:00:16.490
Yeah, yeah, april 4th 2013,.

01:00:16.490 --> 01:00:30.704
My mom died, okay, and I had a speaking engagement that day and I did the engagement and I just told the story of that.

01:00:30.704 --> 01:00:49.684
And even the story of that was such that I want to be able, whatever I do on a daily basis, I want to do it and not live with shame or regret, like you talk about in a recovery program.

01:00:49.684 --> 01:01:24.387
I'm sure there was a day you felt shame I know you don't feel shame today, or I'd like to talk about it and mom, yeah, so she had died five years earlier and I anyhow, that was me, that was more like and you went and you still spoke who are you?

01:01:25.476 --> 01:01:38.327
I tell the story in the book as to what happened and why and all this stuff, but it was just like, yeah, and I, when you know, like I'm at peace and how do you know?

01:01:38.327 --> 01:01:49.476
You just know, right, you just, and, as an engineer Fifteen years ago, if you would have told me that, I would say no way, there's no, you just know.

01:01:49.476 --> 01:01:56.728
And I'm not actually having lunch Friday with Joe, who taught me this idea about you just know.

01:01:56.728 --> 01:02:05.228
And I went to him once and I said how do you know when you're fooling yourself and you know what he said.

01:02:05.228 --> 01:02:07.559
You just know.

01:02:10.496 --> 01:02:14.032
Wow, and what was the hesitation of putting the story in the book?

01:02:14.032 --> 01:02:18.784
Because of the judgment of people thinking you're not a great person?

01:02:18.784 --> 01:02:21.621
Yeah, yeah, it makes sense, totally right.

01:02:21.621 --> 01:02:24.519
Yeah, yeah, it makes total sense.

01:02:24.519 --> 01:02:36.282
But you kept your commitment and that was the point, I imagine, is that, regardless of what happens in life, you're responsible to be somewhere.

01:02:36.282 --> 01:02:39.277
Then that's your commitment and it was my commitment.

01:02:39.557 --> 01:02:41.144
I could have found someone else.

01:02:41.144 --> 01:02:42.250
I could have done someone else.

01:02:42.250 --> 01:02:44.175
There was a connection into the family.

01:02:44.175 --> 01:02:51.128
There was I really talking to dad and my brothers and sisters and my wife.

01:02:51.128 --> 01:02:59.628
Where would mom be on all this and we all the stuff that we had done in the morning and planning up to it.

01:02:59.628 --> 01:03:16.429
It was like it was the whole day up to this was spent around getting everything organized and stuff yeah, but I was just like you know what fear of being judged.

01:03:16.429 --> 01:03:17.492
That's why.

01:03:18.875 --> 01:03:22.581
Yeah, it stops more people than we can even imagine.

01:03:22.581 --> 01:03:37.764
Yeah, yeah, I don't struggle with that as much as I used to, but I used to really struggle with what people thought, and it's really none of my business what people think.

01:03:37.764 --> 01:03:41.760
Oh, it's just, it is what it is like.

01:03:41.760 --> 01:03:43.262
I can't control that.

01:03:43.262 --> 01:03:43.824
I can't.

01:03:43.824 --> 01:03:51.344
I can just show up the best way that I can show up and it is what it is so can I ask you a question?

01:03:51.605 --> 01:03:52.907
sure we got time.

01:03:52.907 --> 01:03:59.947
So is there a story in your book that you were like the one, that you were reluctant or hesitant to?

01:04:00.007 --> 01:04:00.248
share?

01:04:00.248 --> 01:04:02.681
Here's a great question.

01:04:02.681 --> 01:04:03.463
Here's why I ask.

01:04:03.463 --> 01:04:07.244
So mine's about nine steps to sell.

01:04:07.244 --> 01:04:09.402
Actually, it's called Nine Steps to Sell More Shit.

01:04:09.402 --> 01:04:11.034
So it's really just a sales book.

01:04:11.034 --> 01:04:21.518
But I am in the process of writing a book about my story and the name of the book is Alcohol as a S a solution.

01:04:21.538 --> 01:04:35.648
I almost put it out earlier this year, but I didn't really go deep, and so there's a lot of really, not hard, there's a lot of really.

01:04:35.648 --> 01:04:45.460
You know, by all accounts, people would look at some of the things that I've done or been a part of and go what in the world?

01:04:45.460 --> 01:04:46.860
That's my thought anyway.

01:04:46.860 --> 01:04:51.847
But I also believe in a good friend of mine, jonathan Wissman.

01:04:51.847 --> 01:04:53.159
He wrote the sales boss.

01:04:53.159 --> 01:05:00.427
He said I don't think that you, I don't think you went deep enough here.

01:05:00.427 --> 01:05:02.458
He read through it and he said I don't.

01:05:02.458 --> 01:05:07.016
You didn't put all of it out here, and he's right, I didn't.

01:05:09.478 --> 01:05:23.903
I, I didn't even put the things that people really want to read, which is the really awful times, the times where I just didn't know, I didn't really want to wake up.

01:05:23.903 --> 01:05:27.735
I would have been fine not wake it up, I would have been fine.

01:05:27.735 --> 01:05:34.804
Just, I just needed the pain to stop and I didn't really outline that very well in my first draft.

01:05:34.804 --> 01:05:48.842
So I'm going back through and I'm writing about the things that that could be judged by others, but I believe it's the right thing to do.

01:05:48.842 --> 01:05:51.702
So I'm not really fear.

01:05:51.702 --> 01:05:54.003
So I don't know if that answers your question.

01:05:54.003 --> 01:05:56.217
So it's really more about the book.

01:05:56.217 --> 01:06:07.382
I'm writing now in the dark night of the soul and I need to put that in there and I'm in the process of doing that.

01:06:09.054 --> 01:06:16.192
I don't know if you censor or bleep any of your guests, but you may need to Go for it.

01:06:16.192 --> 01:06:18.661
I love you, Corey.

01:06:19.376 --> 01:06:24.742
I appreciate that and I love you, my friend, and I know you mean that genuinely.

01:06:25.076 --> 01:06:26.320
I totally do, brother.

01:06:26.974 --> 01:06:28.240
Yeah, I believe that.

01:06:28.240 --> 01:06:40.652
Yeah, I think there's going to be some stories in there that are it's.

01:06:40.652 --> 01:06:53.123
It makes me cringe, like I can't even believe it was in some of these situations, but it's the truth and it's what really happened and I believe that's really what.

01:06:53.123 --> 01:07:08.739
I think that's going to help people, because people can relate to being in that spot and those are the people really I'm trying to help is the people that are when life just looks like it is over, and there's been many of those times.

01:07:08.739 --> 01:07:11.365
You mentioned almost max and everything.

01:07:11.365 --> 01:07:12.047
I've been there.

01:07:12.047 --> 01:07:30.320
I've been where my house was in pre foreclosure and I thought honestly, I believed it wasn't going to happen and it didn't, and I think that belief is the only thing that got me through that situation and that's just the God's.

01:07:30.320 --> 01:07:31.579
I didn't have any proof.

01:07:31.579 --> 01:07:33.440
I didn't have any proof.

01:07:33.440 --> 01:07:39.440
I was going to get through it, but I believed it was all going to work out and it did.

01:07:39.440 --> 01:07:42.663
It's amazing.

01:07:43.443 --> 01:07:44.164
It's amazing.

01:07:44.684 --> 01:07:50.612
Yeah, I don't know.

01:07:50.612 --> 01:07:52.342
This has been such a great conversation.

01:07:52.342 --> 01:08:01.983
I knew that it was going to be a really good conversation, but this is one of my favorite conversations I've had and I appreciate you massively.

01:08:01.983 --> 01:08:03.579
Yeah, thank you.

01:08:03.579 --> 01:08:08.865
I do have one quick question, because I meant to ask this earlier.

01:08:08.865 --> 01:08:13.507
You mentioned a guest on your gratitude list.

01:08:13.507 --> 01:08:14.677
What did you mean by that?

01:08:15.157 --> 01:08:33.962
So I do a daily email that goes to folks that are looking for a daily nudge, like just as a reminder to help them with their practice, and they get to read gratitudes three from me and three from a guest.

01:08:33.962 --> 01:08:46.828
So I have a guest different guests every week and any folks that want to subscribe to the Daily Gratitudes go to my website and you can subscribe to the Daily Gratitudes.

01:08:46.828 --> 01:08:49.541
I'd like you to be a guest for a week, though.

01:08:49.541 --> 01:08:50.222
That's what I said.

01:08:50.222 --> 01:08:53.619
I'll send you details on that outside when we're done.

01:08:54.140 --> 01:08:55.104
What is the website?

01:08:55.104 --> 01:08:57.195
Where can people go to find that when we're done?

01:08:57.195 --> 01:08:57.936
What is the website?

01:08:58.037 --> 01:09:01.162
Where can people go to find that Gratitudeatworkca?

01:09:02.423 --> 01:09:02.864
Perfect.

01:09:02.864 --> 01:09:06.029
Is there anywhere else you would like people to find you?

01:09:10.774 --> 01:09:10.954
Gratitude.

01:09:10.954 --> 01:09:12.557
If you want to connect with me on LinkedIn, find me on LinkedIn.

01:09:12.557 --> 01:09:15.021
I'm on LinkedIn and my website, and that's enough for me.

01:09:15.703 --> 01:09:16.664
Yeah, it makes sense.

01:09:16.664 --> 01:09:19.836
Do you ever publicly put the gratitudes out, like on LinkedIn?

01:09:20.877 --> 01:09:32.264
I post them on my website and for a while I was doing it on LinkedIn and, um, I know some guests the week that they're doing it.

01:09:32.264 --> 01:09:36.460
They will post them on LinkedIn, but I just decided I'm not.

01:09:36.460 --> 01:09:40.056
It's not part of what I'm posting on LinkedIn now.

01:09:40.618 --> 01:09:41.121
Makes sense.

01:09:41.121 --> 01:09:43.711
I've thought about that but I just didn't really.

01:09:43.711 --> 01:09:46.679
I wasn't really sure it's such a.

01:09:46.679 --> 01:10:02.198
I think it's such an intimate thing with me and it's not that I would care if somebody read it I don't, I could care less about that but I think it almost waters down the intimate If I were to post it on Facebook every day.

01:10:02.198 --> 01:10:08.748
I think it waters down the intimacy that it goes to the people I want it to go to.

01:10:08.748 --> 01:10:09.510
Does that make sense?

01:10:10.076 --> 01:10:11.179
Yeah, it totally does.

01:10:11.399 --> 01:10:12.725
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:10:12.725 --> 01:10:19.640
Listen, I'm super grateful for you, super grateful that you spent this time with me today.

01:10:19.640 --> 01:10:22.467
I'm really grateful for the conversation.

01:10:23.095 --> 01:10:23.676
Yeah, me too.

01:10:23.676 --> 01:10:30.050
Grateful for you and grateful to Ryan who connected us for this great chat.

01:10:30.050 --> 01:10:31.672
So let's stay in touch, Corey.

01:10:32.114 --> 01:10:32.856
You got it, my friend.

01:10:32.856 --> 01:10:33.699
Thank you very much.

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