Stop Looking Down: How to Keep Moving After You Face the Fear

Show Transcript

CoreyBerrier 0:31

Getting on the roof was scary, but I'm discovering that climbing the ladder was only the beginning. Once you get up there, you still have to trust yourself enough to move. Welcome to the Successful Life Podcast. I'm your host, Corey Berrier.

And as always, today I'm grateful to be completely sober. You know, last week I talked about my fear of climbing on the roofs and how it reminded me of my first seven years being in recovery. And, you know, I would attend meetings and I heard the message. I experienced some of the promises.

But emotionally, I was still standing on the outside of the program. And I was watching other people get sober and recover, just like I had watched other people inspect roofs from the safety of the ground. But eventually, you have to climb the ladder. But here's what I've learned since recording last week's episode.

You know, getting on the roof doesn't mean the fear disappears. Sometimes the fear follows you up and down the ladder. We sometimes believe that one courageous decision will permanently remove our fear. Well, we attend the meeting or we call the sponsor or we apologize or we climb the ladder.

We have a difficult conversation, we knock on that very first door. And then we expect to feel completely confident after doing all of those things for the very first time. You know, sometimes we take action and we still feel afraid. And that doesn't mean that action has failed.

And we're just not. When I you know, when I when I first started getting on the roofs, I, you know, I didn't suddenly suddenly become fearless. I still had to pay attention where I put my feet. I still had to manage the thoughts telling me everything was gonna go wrong.

And recovery has worked exactly the same way. You know, join the fellowship didn't mean insecurity or control or selfishness or resentment or fear. It didn't mean those things disappeared overnight because they didn't. But it did give me a process for dealing with those things when they did appear.

And if you're not in recovery and you're listening to this podcast, then you probably deal with insecurity, you probably deal with control, you probably deal with selfishness, resentment. And it's probably really hard to comprehend how to get rid of those things. And honestly, I don't know how to get rid of those things without working a 12-step program. I was talking to my boy Chris today, and you know, he said to me, I, you know, I think people that are not alcoholics or drug addicts could benefit from this working these 12 steps.

And I tend to agree with him wholeheartedly. You know, you got to stop looking for the differences and look for the similarities, just like stop me. I had to stop looking at the ground when I was on the roof. You know, when you're standing on a roof and you're constantly staring at the ground, it magnifies that danger in your mind.

You begin imagining uh the fall instead of focusing on what you're standing on. And we do the same thing in life. We look down at our past failures, the relationships we've damaged, the money we've lost, the opportunities we've missed, the mistakes we've made, the years or decades that we believe we've wasted. Or we look too far ahead and imagine every single negative outcome that could possibly happen.

And that pulls us away from the only place where we have power, which is in the present moment. I can't change what happened yesterday. I can't change what happened 10 years ago. I can I can't control what happens 10 days from now.

I can only decide what I'm gonna do today. You know, in 12-step recovery, we say one day at a time for this exact reason because we people like me, we dwell in the past in future trip about what's gonna happen five minutes down the road. The truth of the matter is none of us really know. You know, the safest, you know, the safest way forward isn't to, you know, to to stare at in at the distance that's ahead.

Uh in fact, that's the last thing you need to do. You know, it's uh you know, pay attention to the next step opposed to the next day. And that's one of the greatest gifts recovery has given me is uh I don't have to solve my entire life today. All I have to do is take the next right action.

And you know, I'll ask you, you know, where are you looking at right now? Are you focused on the step in front of you, or are you staring at every single thing that could go wrong? Because boy, I know people that do both, and I I want to be the former, not the latter. So uh, you know, you can take in all the information and have no experience.

But experience is where it's at. You know, last week I talked about watching people inspect roofs before getting on one myself. Uh, you know, you can study roofing, you can watch videos, you can listen to influencers, you can even listen to people that have a shit ton of experience. And that information is useful, but eventually experience has to take over.

Your recovery is no different. You know, I can memorize pages of the big book, I can know the language of recovery, I can sit in meetings and understand what everybody's saying, but knowing about surrender is different from actually surrendering. Knowing about amends is very different than making one. Knowing that I should call somebody uh is different from actually picking up that phone.

Knowing about God is different than developing a relationship with God. You know, for my first seven years, I had a lot of information about recovery, but what I was missing was complete uh participation. I almost said precipitation, complete participation. Information may show us the ladder, but experience is what happens when we start climbing.

You know, and confidence is built through repetition. Every roof is different, every day in recovery is different. You don't build confidence from doing something one time. You build confidence by repeatedly proving that you can take action even when your mind is telling you reasons to not take that action.

Recovery is built through repetition, going to another meeting, you know, making another phone call, helping another alcoholic, completing another day sober, practicing prayer meditation, telling the truth when hiding it would feel easier. You know, letting go of another outcome, making another amends when necessary. You know, none of these actions looks especially dramatic by itself, but repeated repeated, but if you repeat these actions constantly, they build an entirely different life. And it's similar to climbing a ladder.

No single rung gets you onto the roof. Each rung matters because it carries you towards the next one. You know, don't you know, don't confuse familiarity with safety. You know, for years, for you know, for years, for years I was standing outside of the program because it felt safe, because it was familiar.

You know, I attended meetings while protecting you know the parts of myself that I didn't want anybody to see. I could receive some of the benefits without becoming completely vulnerable. You know, but familiar doesn't always mean safe. Isolation was familiar, control was familiar, emotional walls were familiar.

They didn't that isn't doesn't mean they're healthy, you know. Getting involved in a in the fellowship was uncomfortable, but the discomfort was leading me towards freedom, and the same principle applies everywhere. The job application may feel uncomfortable, the sales call may feel uncomfortable, the honest conversation may feel uncomfortable. Asking for help certainly feels uncomfortable.

Walking into your first meeting may feel uncomfortable, but sometimes discomfort isn't warning you to stop. Sometimes it's showing you where your growth will begin. You know, on a ladder, three points of contact help create stability. Recovery also gives me those same points of contact.

God, the community, the recovery community, and daily action. You know, when I disconnect from those things, I become unstable. When I try to operate entirely on my own thinking, it gets louder. Control returns, expectations grow, resentment begins building.

But when I pray, when I reach out to another person, I take the next right action, I become grounded. Even when life around me feels uncertain. You know, stability doesn't mean the conditions are perfect. It just means for me that I'm connected to something stronger than my fear.

So I would challenge you, you know, choose one action that you're avoiding. Attend a meeting, introduce yourself, uh, ask somebody to sponsor you. Call another person in recovery, make an appointment, knock the door, have a conversation, admit that you need help, tell someone the damn truth. Begin the amends process if that's where you're at.

But don't wait until you feel confident. Take the action that allows that confidence to develop. You know, you don't need enough courage for the entire journey, you only need enough courage for the next step. You know, last week's episode was about climbing the ladder and moving from observation into participation.

And this week's is about, you know, what happens when you get there, or when you get up on that roof, or you get into recovery. You know, that fear still may be present. Your mind still may tell you to look down, you may question whether you belong or whether you're capable. But you don't have to return to the ground simply because you feel uncomfortable.

Pause. Breathe. Get connected. Look at the next step in front of you.

Take the next right action. Because courage may get us onto the roof, but consistency, connection, and faith teach us how to keep moving. And so, again, my name is Corey Berrier, and this is the Successful Life Podcast. I'm grateful that you listen, but just remember you don't have to solve your whole life today.

Just stay present, stay connected, and keep climbing. We'll see you next week.