Unlocking Success: Laura Kelly on Mindset Shifts, Values, and the Power of Gratitude
Send us a text What if 80% of your success relied solely on your mindset? Join us for an insightful conversation with Laura Kelly, who shares her wisdom on how aligning your values with happiness and setting challenging goals can pave the high road to success. Drawing inspiration from her transformative experience with Tony Robbins, Laura reveals the power of personal values and how understanding the rules we attach to them can lead to a more joyful and fulfilling life. Get ready to explore t...
What if 80% of your success relied solely on your mindset? Join us for an insightful conversation with Laura Kelly, who shares her wisdom on how aligning your values with happiness and setting challenging goals can pave the high road to success. Drawing inspiration from her transformative experience with Tony Robbins, Laura reveals the power of personal values and how understanding the rules we attach to them can lead to a more joyful and fulfilling life. Get ready to explore the psychology behind success and how a mindset shift can be the key to unlocking your potential.
In this episode, we dive into the nuances of personal connections and fulfillment. Discover how redefining your emotional needs beyond physical intimacy can enhance your sense of love and connection. We venture into the realm of gratitude and the practice of priming, highlighting how these tools can shift your focus toward positivity and improve your overall quality of life. Laura and I discuss how setting realistic, self-attainable rules can be transformative, and how a positive mental state can lead to better physical health and stronger relationships.
As we wrap up, we tackle the often-overlooked concept of the "primary question" and its role in shaping our lives. By reframing these subconscious inquiries, we open up new avenues for personal growth and contribution. Learn how to start each day with gratitude and empowering questions that align with your values, setting the stage for a harmonious and productive future. Laura's journey provides practical insights into embracing ease, letting go of control, and finding tranquility through mindset shifts. Tune in to discover how you can ask the right questions to steer your life toward growth, self-acceptance, and a fulfilling 2025.
00:00:01.560 --> 00:00:03.302 Welcome to the Successful Life Podcast.
00:00:03.302 --> 00:00:07.525 I'm your host, Corey Barrier, and I'm here with the one and only Laura Kelly.
00:00:07.764 --> 00:00:58.512 Hey, Laura to bring everything that, uh, I inherited and learned and, I think, conducively endured over the course of 2024, and bring that, uh, bring that insight, that, that knowledge, that wisdom to your audience today and and share what, as as we in clover there, we've been very lucky to speak with like hundreds and hundreds of businesses, and there's this common pattern that I see everywhere and I have seen everywhere for most of my career, that 80 of success is psychology and and 20 is the mechanics.
00:00:58.512 --> 00:01:09.400 Like 20 of skill, 80 is really how is our psychology is how we, how we behave, how we interact with the world, our beliefs, our values and how we speak to ourselves.
00:01:09.400 --> 00:01:27.742 So today I would be stoked to share with you the three variables that are very omnipresent amid high performers and how they set themselves up for more success around, predominantly around how they think.
00:01:27.742 --> 00:01:33.935 And what was interesting is I am I.
00:01:33.935 --> 00:01:44.224 My undergrad is psychology, my undergrad was psychology, so that's kind of where my, my, my journey all started and into really understanding humans and I.
00:01:44.224 --> 00:01:49.262 I read a book from Tony Robbins and since that day I was hooked on him.
00:01:49.262 --> 00:01:51.849 I was like this guy is just a fricking genius.
00:01:51.849 --> 00:02:19.087 So I've always had a desire to spend more time with him and Josh, two Christmases ago, purchased a ticket for me to spend six days with him and they were like 16 to 18 hour days, hour days, and gosh Corey, what I discovered about myself was so profound and I was just surrounded by such incredible humans and it just, it just solidified the patterns I've seen in humans for just so long now, and I'm excited to share some of those things.
00:02:19.319 --> 00:02:27.348 So the the one of the things that sticks out for for me is a phrase that he says.
00:02:27.348 --> 00:02:37.328 He says most people have a highway to unhappiness and a dirt road to happiness, and the goal is to really switch that around.
00:02:37.328 --> 00:02:49.560 So how can we have a high road to happiness and make it quite difficult for ourselves to experience unhappiness, happiness and make it quite difficult for ourselves to experience unhappiness?
00:02:49.560 --> 00:03:06.152 And so how that kind of conversation transformed with Tony was he had me look at my values and he suggests that we all make our values so conducive to us experiencing happiness.
00:03:06.152 --> 00:03:19.405 And then we make our goals, the things that are hard and that push us and that stretch us and that inspire us, but our values are things that are achievable.
00:03:20.186 --> 00:03:21.266 So I encourage you, know you, even here today.
00:03:21.266 --> 00:03:26.370 So I encourage you know you, even here today, corey, to ask yourself.
00:03:26.370 --> 00:03:35.337 We've all heard the word, we've all heard the term values, but many people, many people don't intentionally set their values.
00:03:35.337 --> 00:03:41.801 Their values are set for them by just exposure to life.
00:03:41.801 --> 00:03:49.487 And if we really assess, not what we would desire our values to be, but what they actually are like, whether we like that or not, what are they really?
00:03:49.487 --> 00:03:55.533 So my encouragement to you, even here, corey, if you're comfortable to do this, is like what are?
00:03:55.533 --> 00:04:00.037 Are you comfortable with us kind of going back and forth on this A hundred percent.
00:04:00.560 --> 00:04:01.723 What are your?
00:04:01.723 --> 00:04:04.491 What are your top five current values?
00:04:04.491 --> 00:04:06.123 Do you believe Not what you'd like them to be?
00:04:06.123 --> 00:04:07.108 What are they actually?
00:04:08.401 --> 00:04:09.926 The first one is, for sure, honesty.
00:04:09.926 --> 00:04:16.391 Okay, I believe, yeah, I believe that honesty it really starts with honesty.
00:04:16.391 --> 00:04:20.048 The second one would be vulnerability.
00:04:20.470 --> 00:04:20.670 Okay.
00:04:21.579 --> 00:04:32.040 The third one would be I think I don't know if genuineness would fall in those two categories, but I believe that could be a third one.
00:04:32.040 --> 00:04:33.384 The the.
00:04:33.684 --> 00:04:43.348 The thing with values is it doesn't have to if, if a val, if so, if a word, it causes an emotional response to you and it moves you in.
00:04:43.348 --> 00:04:50.658 Either it moves you in a direction, whether it's conducive or not, because right now we're not necessarily intentionally setting values.
00:04:50.658 --> 00:04:53.312 We're becoming aware of what the one, what are the ones that are currently driving us.
00:04:53.312 --> 00:05:05.423 It doesn't matter like, it doesn't matter what term you give that like for me, like like success could create an emotional, visceral response for one individual and fulfillment could cause.
00:05:05.423 --> 00:05:07.024 It could mean this.
00:05:07.024 --> 00:05:35.668 I think I know you well enough now to know that there's enough vigor around, like your willingness and desire to know yourself, that you've probably quite a solid idea as to what drives you.
00:05:35.668 --> 00:05:42.130 So so, so honesty, vulnerability, you said genuineness, what are your, what are the, what are the other two?
00:05:42.661 --> 00:05:47.072 I would say learn, uh say learning has become pretty valuable.
00:05:47.072 --> 00:05:50.288 And success in two different ways right.
00:05:50.288 --> 00:05:53.149 There's, you know, obviously there's a financial success.
00:05:53.149 --> 00:05:56.588 There's success knowing that you're making a change.
00:05:56.870 --> 00:05:57.050 Yeah.
00:05:57.500 --> 00:06:03.074 Then there's a success in my relationship with Maddie, as an example, For sure.
00:06:03.074 --> 00:06:08.507 So I know that was a little bit more than what you asked, but I have to break it down like that no, it's, it's great.
00:06:08.608 --> 00:06:12.384 It's great because it's because I.
00:06:12.384 --> 00:06:20.615 Success means different things to success means different things to different people, and one person's definition of success does not necessarily have to be yours mine.
00:06:20.615 --> 00:06:25.639 I certainly, certainly, you know I would encourage anyone away from that reality.
00:06:25.639 --> 00:06:30.372 Success is what you believe success to be.
00:06:30.372 --> 00:06:32.939 So I ask you that question for a few reasons.
00:06:32.939 --> 00:06:34.062 A lot of people have values.
00:06:34.062 --> 00:06:37.250 Some are more intentional about selling, selling them and others are not.
00:06:37.250 --> 00:06:41.574 It sounds like it sounds like yours are, you know, relatively conducive.
00:06:42.036 --> 00:06:50.048 The interesting thing I discovered at Tony was that we have values, that we have values that we either intentionally set or are set for us.
00:06:50.048 --> 00:06:54.826 But my next question to you, corey, would be what rules do you associate with each value?
00:06:54.826 --> 00:07:00.449 So what a lot of people do is they say, ok, my top highest value might be six.
00:07:00.449 --> 00:07:05.829 So for me, my values were not as actually actually conducive at all, they were success achievement.
00:07:05.829 --> 00:07:07.684 It was shit that it was.
00:07:07.684 --> 00:07:18.730 So he encouraged you to look at your values and then say, okay, based on these top five values, do you think you're on a track to greater success or greater suffering?
00:07:18.730 --> 00:07:20.745 And I was totally on a track to greater suffering.
00:07:20.745 --> 00:07:21.709 In what?
00:07:21.730 --> 00:07:21.910 way.
00:07:23.880 --> 00:07:27.101 So it's a great question and it brings me to the, to the point on rules.
00:07:27.101 --> 00:07:32.391 I, I, achievement and success were like.
00:07:32.391 --> 00:07:35.362 I wish I had my book now to refer back.
00:07:35.362 --> 00:07:38.848 We're like right up there at the top, but then I had rules.
00:07:38.848 --> 00:07:44.528 So everyone has a rule, has rules associated with their values, meaning what would have to happen in order for me to feel success?
00:07:44.528 --> 00:07:46.033 What would have to happen in order for me to feel success?
00:07:46.033 --> 00:07:47.958 What would have to happen in order for me to feel achievement?
00:07:47.958 --> 00:07:50.204 What would have to happen in order for me to feel love?
00:07:50.204 --> 00:07:52.711 What would have to happen in order for me to feel growth?
00:07:52.711 --> 00:07:58.730 What would have to happen in order for me to feel x and, for the most part, um.
00:07:59.492 --> 00:08:05.370 Our rules make the achievement of what we believe is our highest values very difficult to achieve.
00:08:05.370 --> 00:08:09.790 So for me, oh, it was so much wild shit, like excuse my language, but it was like.
00:08:09.790 --> 00:08:14.134 It was like so wild that it was like that that I was going to end.
00:08:14.134 --> 00:08:22.141 No wonder I had a dirt road that made me fall easier into not feeling so great about myself, into a highway, into not feeling so great about myself.
00:08:22.141 --> 00:08:22.601 I made it.
00:08:22.903 --> 00:08:34.989 The rules I had associated with my values were so wildly unattainable and harsh and shitty and not actually aligned with my essence, so I was able to shift mine to mine was.
00:08:34.989 --> 00:08:42.124 Mine now is like warmth, calmness, warmth, calmness, cheerfulness, growth.
00:08:42.124 --> 00:08:43.346 I have them all wrote out.
00:08:43.346 --> 00:08:53.085 I'm actually getting my board printed Worth calmness, cheerfulness, growth, and how my rules associated with each are like incredibly attainable.
00:08:53.085 --> 00:08:58.139 So now I have this blueprint for experiencing joy on an ongoing basis.
00:08:58.701 --> 00:09:09.556 So my encouragement to everybody listening, and my encouragement to you, Corey, would be to look at your values and say, OK, are these values conducive to me living a path of joy and fulfillment?
00:09:09.556 --> 00:09:21.886 Because, remember, our values are intended to bring us closer to joy, to allow us and not necessarily to challenge us to just bring us closer to our essence and to joy and to fulfillment.
00:09:21.886 --> 00:09:26.048 Our goals are there to push us and challenge us and to facilitate us growing.
00:09:26.048 --> 00:09:28.376 But then I would ask you to go a step deeper.
00:09:28.376 --> 00:09:30.505 What are the rules you have associated with each?
00:09:30.505 --> 00:09:33.078 So, what are the rules you have associated with honesty?
00:09:33.078 --> 00:09:34.845 What are the rules you have associated with vulnerability?
00:09:34.845 --> 00:09:37.442 What are the rules you've associated with generosity?
00:09:37.442 --> 00:09:40.525 And I would.
00:09:40.566 --> 00:09:59.740 That's a good one, so I think it's expectation actually yes, I think part of that is that I and I know I can't place expectations on other people because I'm likely going to get let down, but, as you said that, I realized that's also what I expect of other people 100%.
00:09:59.899 --> 00:10:16.486 We typically project our desires onto others and, as a result, measure them as to whether they are fulfilling a satisfactory measurement in our eyes, and that allows us fall into either judgment, dissatisfaction or appreciation.
00:10:16.486 --> 00:10:28.615 And if you're consistently living in dissatisfaction and not enoughness, either for yourself or your loved one or others, it's going to be very difficult to have one of your core human needs met, which is connection.
00:10:28.615 --> 00:10:33.082 So so, yeah, so.
00:10:33.082 --> 00:10:40.570 So my encouragement to listeners and to you, corey, would be to dig into what would have to happen in order for you to feel honesty.
00:10:40.570 --> 00:10:42.942 What would have to happen in order for you to feel vulnerability?
00:10:42.942 --> 00:10:44.267 What would have to happen in order for you to feel genuineness?
00:10:44.267 --> 00:10:45.610 What would have to happen in order for you to feel vulnerability?
00:10:45.610 --> 00:10:46.895 What would have to happen in order for you to feel genuineness?
00:10:46.895 --> 00:10:48.561 What would have to happen in order for you to feel learning?
00:10:48.561 --> 00:10:49.143 What would have to happen?
00:10:49.443 --> 00:11:08.224 So, for instance, if we took learning and values are the thing that attributes to us feeling successful and happy and joy and fulfilled, if it hypothetically was, I only experience learning if I read a chapter a day, or 20 pages a day and say, for instance, you miss a day because life happens.
00:11:08.224 --> 00:11:23.085 Now your criteria for fulfillment is not checked, so therefore you're less fulfilled because in your head, you don't hit your criteria of that value.
00:11:23.085 --> 00:11:28.544 So commonly, the values that we want to adhere to or live by might be good.
00:11:28.544 --> 00:11:34.162 They either could be good or inconduitive, unconducive and and and chances are, even if they're good.
00:11:34.162 --> 00:11:41.664 Like somebody I've coached recently, one of their highest values was love and the own.
00:11:41.664 --> 00:11:47.595 One of their rules for feeling loved was was if they had to have sex every day to feel loved.
00:11:48.561 --> 00:11:48.780 Wow.
00:11:49.423 --> 00:11:53.605 And if they didn't have sex every day, they didn't feel loved and in that moment they were like what the frick?
00:11:53.605 --> 00:11:58.724 That is so much pressure I'm putting upon my relationship and, like you know, life happens.
00:11:58.724 --> 00:12:09.142 I travel, they travel, that's a lot, travel, that's a lot.
00:12:09.142 --> 00:12:14.318 And this person had like such a wake up and realized that that is a like, that is not a rule I can associate with love, especially if it's my highest value and it was.
00:12:14.318 --> 00:12:23.804 It was just an unawareness and so many of us have rules associated with our values that make it so difficult for us to achieve true fulfillment and joy.
00:12:23.804 --> 00:12:30.315 It it is okay and this is it is okay to have a goal that would say I would like this.
00:12:30.315 --> 00:12:33.412 This is just hypothetical attributing to this guy I coached.
00:12:33.412 --> 00:12:40.475 It would be okay for him to have a goal to say I would like to be in a relationship that I felt, that I had.
00:12:40.475 --> 00:12:45.191 That my level of like, physical intimacy I would rate on a scale of eight to 10 or whatever.
00:12:45.191 --> 00:12:54.779 So there is a metric associated with that goal and that was a goal different, because then it forces perhaps conversation with his spouse and all of that and it facilitates a growth opportunity.
00:12:54.779 --> 00:13:02.182 But if it's the, if it's a variable associated with his highest value, and whether or not he feels fulfillment, joy or love.
00:13:02.182 --> 00:13:04.847 It's a very big problem.
00:13:04.947 --> 00:13:17.274 So my encouragement to everybody listening is know what your values are, and that is a very that is a popular suggestion on the path of personal development.
00:13:17.274 --> 00:13:20.269 But what isn't so popular is what are the rules you have associated with that value?
00:13:20.269 --> 00:13:22.727 Are you really setting yourself up to feel true joy?
00:13:22.727 --> 00:13:30.063 If love is what's most important to you, if success is what's most important to you, if contribution is what's most important to you, what are the rules associated with that?
00:13:30.063 --> 00:13:38.404 So like say, for instance, if contribution was most important to you, you can contribute in.
00:13:38.404 --> 00:13:47.581 I'm actually going to pull up my board here so I can like how you can make the achievement of these things far easier.
00:13:47.581 --> 00:13:53.658 So I'm going to pull up one of my values here Warmth is my top value.
00:13:53.798 --> 00:14:01.458 Right, anytime I act loving or have love in my heart or have loving energy, I fulfill my top value.
00:14:01.458 --> 00:14:03.202 How freaking easy that's going to happen.
00:14:03.202 --> 00:14:04.852 That is definitely going to happen.
00:14:04.852 --> 00:14:11.500 Calm, anytime I affirm my new primary question or take a breath, like I have so much control over that.
00:14:11.500 --> 00:14:12.504 It's so attainable.
00:14:13.005 --> 00:14:20.836 Health, health and vitality is my third Anytime I treat my body with love or respect, or anytime I exercise, or anytime I push my body to expand its present limits.
00:14:20.836 --> 00:14:33.029 Four cheerfulness, fun, laughter, anytime I make myself laugh or choose to engage in a source of laughter, or anytime I have a smile on my, a smile on my heart, or anytime I do something playful all so fricking, achievable.
00:14:33.029 --> 00:14:36.597 And values and rules are the paths to fulfillment.
00:14:36.597 --> 00:14:39.932 Goals are great, they, they, they inspire us, they force us to grow.
00:14:39.932 --> 00:14:45.327 They're very fricking, important, but they, they, they, they.
00:14:45.327 --> 00:14:47.414 A goal doesn't define who we are.
00:14:47.414 --> 00:14:48.619 It expands who we are.
00:14:48.619 --> 00:14:53.741 Our values and the rules associated with our values allow us to be in our true essence.
00:14:53.741 --> 00:15:06.610 So when I described what those values were, what I was describing was the rules I now have associated with those values, not what I previously had associated with those values.
00:15:08.215 --> 00:15:10.140 What were the values going into this?
00:15:10.650 --> 00:15:13.379 Oh, good, good, I know what they are, but I wish I had the rules.
00:15:13.379 --> 00:15:14.422 I wish I had my book.
00:15:14.422 --> 00:15:16.958 I actually took it to Ireland with me and I left it in the backseat of my sister's car.
00:15:16.958 --> 00:15:20.432 But I, they, they, they.
00:15:20.552 --> 00:15:21.953 My old values were success.
00:15:21.953 --> 00:15:31.885 My old values were achievement, and the shit that I had to accomplish to in order to achieve those, in order to feel those, oh my gosh, were so mean, they were so mean, they were so harsh.
00:15:31.885 --> 00:15:36.357 No wonder I was constantly berating myself and bouncing between anxiety and depression.
00:15:36.357 --> 00:15:44.280 I, like it's like this acknowledgement was just like oh, just joy, just peace.
00:15:44.280 --> 00:15:58.291 Just, you know, those weighted vests that people wear to to get their cardio up is like I, it's like I took one of those off and this was not just me, it was, it was three and a half thousand other people that were in the room with me.
00:15:58.291 --> 00:16:02.562 This exercise was so fricking profound and I just wish it for everybody.
00:16:02.621 --> 00:16:07.736 I want you to intentionally look at your values and be, but way beyond that is the rules associated with those values.
00:16:07.736 --> 00:16:33.855 There's for me, I have eight, and tony does encourage you to have eight, but the top three to five really, really drive your life and and that would be my, you know encouragement to you, cory, after this podcast, and to any of your listeners make happiness, so freaking, achievable, and the greater joy you experience on a day-to-day basis, the greater success you're going to be able to attract and bring into your life and your existence existence.
00:16:33.855 --> 00:16:35.620 So make joy achievable.
00:16:35.620 --> 00:16:38.009 How you do that is values and rules associated.
00:16:38.048 --> 00:16:48.341 that is how you you bring more joy into your life let me ask you this really quick yes, yeah, all right so let's get back to the guy that you coached and you said I want to.
00:16:48.341 --> 00:16:52.979 I think you said he wanted to be intimate each day with his partner.
00:16:53.360 --> 00:16:55.791 Yes, that was how that was he.
00:16:55.791 --> 00:16:57.817 Unless he got that, he didn't feel loved.
00:16:58.419 --> 00:17:01.129 Yeah, but is that a physical intimacy?
00:17:01.129 --> 00:17:21.448 Because you know there's, you know I understand that the physical part is important, but I also now understand that it's also just as important just to be with the person, regardless if you're intimate or not, but in a very present way.
00:17:22.249 --> 00:17:23.109 Yeah, yeah.
00:17:23.109 --> 00:17:48.083 So my thought here and my hallucination is that you have that awareness he had, that he intellectually knew that to be true and would probably speak that out, but he never, until he tapped into his like unconscious way of operating, realized that that was a like.
00:17:48.083 --> 00:18:01.096 Many, many people could choose a rule that they believe they could choose a value and choose a desire for their life that they believe will bring them greater joy.
00:18:01.096 --> 00:18:13.795 But unless we choose a rule that facilitates joy being achieved with greater like frequency, it's going to be very difficult for us to experience true prosperity.
00:18:13.855 --> 00:18:18.191 So he now reassessed, and, yes, what he truly wants is connection.
00:18:18.191 --> 00:18:26.776 For sure, that's what he's, that's what he's absolutely seeking, that's what most of us humans are seeking, that is what he, that is what he wants, and there's so many ways of achieving that.
00:18:26.776 --> 00:18:29.118 And now his now.
00:18:29.118 --> 00:18:40.503 Anytime he experiences warmth in his heart when he sees, looks, feels, talks to his spouse, he has achieved one of his primary needs, one of his primary values.
00:18:40.503 --> 00:18:42.412 He was he.
00:18:42.412 --> 00:18:47.222 He he's now just giving himself the permission to feel the love that was always there.
00:18:47.222 --> 00:18:59.163 But prior he put this parameter on it that if he didn't, if the X didn't happen, he wasn't going to allow himself to experience true quotation marks love.
00:19:00.191 --> 00:19:06.494 It's interesting because you know, as you know, I'm in recovery and the opposite of addiction is connection.
00:19:06.494 --> 00:19:08.489 For sure, I mean recovery and the opposite of addiction is connection.
00:19:08.509 --> 00:19:08.589 Sure.
00:19:09.309 --> 00:19:40.787 Because when you're in addiction or when you're in, you know, a depressed state of mind or anxiety or whatever those things, there's a way to it's a way it fulfills that part in your soul that you are yearning for with that addiction or that depression or whatever it may be.
00:19:41.327 --> 00:19:42.367 A hundred percent.
00:19:42.367 --> 00:19:44.175 We, as humans, need love.
00:19:44.175 --> 00:19:45.279 We need connection.
00:19:45.279 --> 00:19:46.535 It makes us feel alive.
00:19:46.535 --> 00:19:48.190 It's one of the biggest attributes to long-term health.
00:19:48.190 --> 00:19:48.513 We need connection.
00:19:48.513 --> 00:19:48.587 It makes us feel alive.
00:19:48.587 --> 00:19:49.959 It's one of the biggest attributes to long-term health.
00:19:49.959 --> 00:19:52.484 A hundred percent.
00:19:52.484 --> 00:20:09.962 And for the most part, when we engage in unconducive behaviors, it is because we are lacking a sense of love and connection and we're trying to fill that void and we can fill that and with that awareness we can then create.
00:20:09.962 --> 00:20:23.900 We're aware that perhaps a high value, a high conducive value, would be love and connection and what would be some attainable rules I could associate with that value so I could experience that on an ongoing basis and not just experience it, acknowledge it and count it as count it.
00:20:23.900 --> 00:20:29.131 Count it.
00:20:29.131 --> 00:20:29.471 You know, you can.
00:20:29.471 --> 00:20:30.054 You can be experiencing love.
00:20:30.054 --> 00:20:31.018 You can be experiencing love all the time.
00:20:31.018 --> 00:20:34.692 But unless it's acknowledged, it's like a wasted opportunity for you to live into that emotion and live into that feeling.
00:20:35.192 --> 00:20:44.535 So when you say, when you say acknowledge, is that acknowledge for yourself or also acknowledged from the other person?
00:20:46.657 --> 00:20:47.078 what do mean?
00:20:47.880 --> 00:20:57.923 So you said when you acknowledge that love I can't remember exactly how you said it, but when you acknowledge that, I wasn't sure if you meant.
00:20:57.923 --> 00:21:06.184 I guess it'd be validation if you were looking for that acknowledgement from another person, from another person.
00:21:07.307 --> 00:21:21.934 Yeah, yeah, and I would be cautious to associate a rule that has to be that can only be achieved or experienced if an external force that you don't have control over delivers.
00:21:22.537 --> 00:21:22.738 Right.
00:21:24.131 --> 00:21:27.099 Like, the rules have to be self-attainable.
00:21:27.099 --> 00:21:42.271 Yes, we can't control another, and if we seek to control another, what we're really doing is creating distance between others, between ourselves and others, and and and uh, one of the quickest ways to facilitate distance in between a masculine and a feminine is criticism.
00:21:42.271 --> 00:21:58.625 So the the my encouragement to you as you develop these and map these all out the rules have to be one that you can either self-observe, self-attain, self-perceive.
00:21:58.625 --> 00:22:02.291 Things that are within our own control To feel.
00:22:02.291 --> 00:22:11.192 Do, say, be experience, not determined upon another person acting a certain way or the world bringing a thing to you in a certain way.
00:22:11.773 --> 00:22:13.337 All of those things are outside of our control.
00:22:13.337 --> 00:22:23.673 What we have control over is our internal experience, our perception and, like I mentioned at the start, 80% of our success.
00:22:23.673 --> 00:22:26.576 And success means a different thing to different people.
00:22:26.576 --> 00:22:29.057 I think a broader term that encompasses more.
00:22:29.057 --> 00:22:37.586 People's definition of success is like true fulfillment, like waking up every day and truly having, like true appreciation for the day to come.
00:22:37.586 --> 00:22:43.032 That would be far easier attained if your rules are ones that you can influence.
00:22:43.032 --> 00:22:45.934 If your rules are ones that you can influence.
00:22:47.316 --> 00:22:48.958 You feel like you can't.
00:22:48.958 --> 00:22:52.279 So, as you know, and I send you my gratitude list.
00:22:52.279 --> 00:23:03.171 Part of the reason that I do that is because it some days it's it's a bit of a hack for me, because oh it's for sure it is.
00:23:03.171 --> 00:23:06.599 It's not like I wake up every day with gratitude.
00:23:06.599 --> 00:23:12.541 Some days I don't, but that forces me to look at the things that I'm grateful for.
00:23:13.372 --> 00:23:17.690 Such a good, good, good point, 100%.
00:23:17.690 --> 00:23:28.297 And it's back to the phrase that the reason most people have a highway to unhappiness is our brains are wired to protect us.
00:23:28.297 --> 00:23:30.911 Yeah, so so we're, so we're, so we're.
00:23:30.911 --> 00:23:39.204 We're wired in a way to acknowledge shit that puts us in danger, either real or imagined.
00:23:39.204 --> 00:23:44.064 So, therefore, what we are wired to pay attention to, we see more of.
00:23:44.064 --> 00:24:02.080 So what we're wired to acknowledge, and what we acknowledge, the things that we acknowledge the most, causes us to focus more on those, you know, more difficult scenarios of our life, and where focus goes, energy flows, and what you focus on, you get more of.
00:24:02.080 --> 00:24:04.671 So it's so easy.
00:24:04.991 --> 00:24:11.923 So the first thing when, typically when we wake up in the morning, very commonly, is like shit, I really want to stay in bed, it's so comfortable, I don't really want to get up, it's cold, I don't want to get up.
00:24:11.923 --> 00:24:30.441 So the first thoughts, or all of the things that we have to tackle that day, so the first thoughts are overwhelm, delay, procrastination, none of which fill us with vigor to go about a day of accomplishment and joy.
00:24:30.441 --> 00:24:56.760 So you can be a victim to those things and be and react based on those stimuli, which are just our freaking thoughts, or we can engage in an exercise that refocuses us to something that is conducive and how we start, how we start our day and what we what you choose to pay attention to you'll start to see more of.
00:24:56.760 --> 00:25:04.809 And what Corey does every morning is he writes down the thing he's grateful for and he sends them to people, so he's you're not just spreading gratitude, you're giving yourself the opportunity.
00:25:04.809 --> 00:25:07.955 Like a lot of people write books, because it's not necessarily for their audience, it's for them.
00:25:07.955 --> 00:25:08.777 A lot of people have podcasts.
00:25:08.777 --> 00:25:12.023 It's not necessarily for their audience, it's a great byproduct, but it helps them.
00:25:14.029 --> 00:25:36.536 The same thing with your gratitude list, like, you are giving yourself the
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