Embracing Gratitude: Unraveling Morning Routines, Overcoming Challenges, and Harnessing ADHD as a Superpower with Corey and Justin
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Send us a textNavigating the tumultuous journey of addiction and recovery, this episode delves into my personal story of struggles, challenges, and the transformative power of vulnerability. With Justin Judd, we discuss gratitude, childhood influences, the impact of relationships, and the ultimate importance of asking for help at crucial junctures.• Exploring the value of gratitude in daily life • The influence of childhood experiences on later choices • Reasons and repercussions of substance...
Navigating the tumultuous journey of addiction and recovery, this episode delves into my personal story of struggles, challenges, and the transformative power of vulnerability. With Justin Judd, we discuss gratitude, childhood influences, the impact of relationships, and the ultimate importance of asking for help at crucial junctures.
• Exploring the value of gratitude in daily life • The influence of childhood experiences on later choices • Reasons and repercussions of substance abuse • My personal journey through rehab and relapses • Recognizing pivotal moments that lead to change • The significance of vulnerability and seeking help • Embracing spirituality and the concept of surrender • Reflections on the ongoing journey of recovery
00:00:01.542 --> 00:00:03.346 Welcome to the Successful Life Podcast.
00:00:03.346 --> 00:00:06.991 I'm your host, corey Barrier, and I'm here with my man, justin Judd.
00:00:06.991 --> 00:00:07.573 What's up, brother?
00:00:07.573 --> 00:00:09.035 What's up, corey?
00:00:09.035 --> 00:00:13.401 Today's going to be a bit different show.
00:00:13.401 --> 00:00:45.988 I had a gentleman ask me if I'd ever told my story here on my own show, and the answer is I haven't really ever gone into my full story, and Justin and I have been friends for quite some time now and shared very similar stories, and so I've asked Justin to come on today and just get into my story and the things, some of the things that we've both kind of gone through, and so it's gonna be a bit of a different format today.
00:00:47.012 --> 00:00:47.332 Awesome.
00:00:47.332 --> 00:00:48.685 Thanks for having me, man.
00:00:48.685 --> 00:00:51.226 That meant a lot that you reached out to me in regards to that.
00:00:51.226 --> 00:00:52.109 That was pretty cool.
00:00:52.109 --> 00:00:53.252 Yeah, dude.
00:00:55.906 --> 00:00:59.264 You're a special person to me, brother, and I really appreciate you.
00:00:59.887 --> 00:01:00.347 Thanks, man.
00:01:00.347 --> 00:01:07.531 Shout out to Corey A lot of people talk the talk but don't walk the walk.
00:01:07.531 --> 00:01:19.290 But I think I've received a gratitude list for the last I don't know six months, maybe more than that every single day and I don't think I've ever responded to it.
00:01:19.290 --> 00:01:23.381 And I still get it every single morning.
00:01:27.209 --> 00:01:29.212 about like where did that come from?
00:01:33.331 --> 00:01:44.887 That's a great question and I got to give my girlfriend credit for this because she started sending me her gratitude list and, as you've seen, some of mine they're long and hers were really long and I thought who really wants to read?
00:01:45.248 --> 00:01:51.789 all this shit, yeah, and who's like gonna consistently do that every single day?
00:01:51.789 --> 00:01:54.515 Because I get it every day from you yeah.
00:01:55.296 --> 00:02:16.026 So then I started sending it back to her, and then it just as I would meet people and think about people that were important in my life or have played a role in my life, then I would just either ask them if they wanted to be on the list or I just put them on the list and if they didn't like it, they would just tell me.
00:02:16.026 --> 00:02:18.989 It hasn't happened very too many times, but it has happened.
00:02:18.989 --> 00:02:50.471 The reason I started that is because, no matter how I wake up, I usually wake up in a pretty good mood, but, regardless of what I have going on in my head that day or that morning, forcing myself to write that gratitude list always shifts my mind to a place of gratitude, and you can't be upset and grateful at the same time, and so I use it as a hack to get my day started.
00:02:52.806 --> 00:03:10.314 The other thing about gratitude is it's one of the higher frequency vibrations to the universe, which is really interesting, because the more that you're grateful, the more that you actually are attracting that kind of stuff back to you, which is really cool.
00:03:10.314 --> 00:03:13.344 You said something really interesting.
00:03:13.344 --> 00:03:17.842 You said something that caught my attention because I was just talking about it this morning.
00:03:17.842 --> 00:03:22.287 So you said usually, every day you wake up, you're in a pretty good mood.
00:03:22.287 --> 00:03:23.687 Is that the truth?
00:03:25.610 --> 00:03:30.836 Yeah, dude, because I'm a morning person, I like getting up early.
00:03:30.836 --> 00:03:36.370 I look forward to the day I pray.
00:03:36.370 --> 00:03:43.068 I usually pray at night, I usually pray in the morning, and so, yeah, I do usually wake up in a pretty good mood.
00:03:43.068 --> 00:03:45.212 I'm excited because I'm going to the gym.
00:03:49.311 --> 00:04:05.731 I love the gym and I spend about I don't know, three hours at least just hanging out with me and just doing my thing in the morning, which is my favorite three hours of the day.
00:04:05.731 --> 00:04:08.075 Yeah, the reason I asked that.
00:04:08.075 --> 00:04:33.221 So I went to the gym this morning and I got a little bit of a late start and the person that I went to the gym with we were having a conversation and when we got out of the gym I was like and maybe I'm wrong here, because you just said you're a morning person but in my mind you hear those people all the time that are like I'm not a morning person, I can't do it, I just I'm not a morning person.
00:04:33.221 --> 00:04:34.103 Well, fuck, I'm not a morning person either.
00:04:34.103 --> 00:04:34.324 Dude.
00:04:34.365 --> 00:04:38.254 Like when I wake up, I don't pop out of bed just like super stoked to go to the gym.
00:04:38.254 --> 00:04:52.560 I wake up and I'm tired and I don't really want to get up, but I get myself up anyways, because every time I get up early and go to the gym, never do I get done doing that and say to myself I wish I wouldn't have done that.
00:04:52.560 --> 00:05:06.002 So when you say you're a morning person, do you just you wake up and it's just pop out of bed and you're ready to go, or do you think you've just disciplined yourself long enough to where it's gotten easier?
00:05:06.704 --> 00:05:13.404 I think discipline has a lot to do with it, because I was going to ask you which kind of falls right into the same category.
00:05:13.404 --> 00:05:20.062 I go to bed pretty consistently at the same time every night and that's key.
00:05:20.062 --> 00:05:25.127 It's key and so routine for me is it's important.
00:05:25.127 --> 00:05:41.949 And so, as long as I get in bed at my normal time, if I'm asleep by nine o'clock which is for some people that's like they're just getting started, but for me, if I get started, if I go to sleep at nine and I wake up at four, that's a pretty, you know, seven hours.
00:05:41.949 --> 00:05:49.612 If I sleep the whole time, which I'm probably not going to sleep exactly the whole time, but if I can get six and a half hours sleep, I'm ready to roll.
00:05:50.220 --> 00:05:52.944 Yeah, so nine o'clock, that's pretty early.
00:05:52.944 --> 00:06:06.254 Do you have a process that you follow before you go to bed so that you can start to slow down your mind and you're not sitting there in bed for an hour or two before you actually pass out?
00:06:06.254 --> 00:06:12.293 Or is your mind still pretty busy at nine o'clock and it takes you a while to go to bed sometimes?
00:06:13.139 --> 00:06:15.103 So I think it depends.
00:06:15.103 --> 00:06:50.927 So if I've got something that I'm trying to control that's outside of my control, that's eating my lunch or in something that I'm trying, if it could be that I had a conversation with Maddie and it maybe didn't go really well that usually doesn't happen or it could be something with work that is not maybe not going the way I want it to go, yeah, and those nights are much tougher and some of those nights I don't't sleep and if I miss a certain window of time I have a hard time sleeping.
00:06:50.927 --> 00:07:03.125 I will tell you, I just stopped taking ambien it's probably been three months ago approximately and I'd taken it for probably 20 years and I talked to my buddy, doug Wyatt.
00:07:03.125 --> 00:07:04.826 I don't know if Doug, you will know him.
00:07:07.108 --> 00:07:07.509 I know.
00:07:07.509 --> 00:07:10.810 I don't know him, but I know of him, yeah, yeah.
00:07:12.012 --> 00:07:18.177 He explained to me how important sleep was and he told me about two books, why we Sleep.
00:07:18.177 --> 00:07:22.127 I think is one of them, and Breathe is the other one.
00:07:22.127 --> 00:07:28.764 Because I told him I snore and so I've stopped taking Ambien and I take melatonin at night.
00:07:28.764 --> 00:07:32.432 If I take it consistently, sometimes it stops working.
00:07:32.432 --> 00:07:40.233 So I may pop a Tylenol PM, but I still believe that it's got to be better than taking Ambien every night.
00:07:44.644 --> 00:07:46.286 Ambien is a serious drug dude.
00:07:46.286 --> 00:07:55.047 Yeah, did you like withdraw from that, or did you go a long time without being able to sleep?
00:07:55.047 --> 00:08:00.387 Some people can have pretty bad comedowns off of Ambien, believe it or not.
00:08:00.987 --> 00:08:01.790 So I tapered.
00:08:01.790 --> 00:08:07.663 Of course I didn't talk to my doctor about it, but I can't imagine they would have told me to do it any other way.
00:08:07.663 --> 00:08:19.228 But maybe Either way, I just cut it in half, took it for five or six days, cut it in half I wasn't taking a huge amount but and then I started taking melatonin.
00:08:19.228 --> 00:08:42.253 So, to answer your question, it really wasn't a terrible transition, but I think a a lot of that and you'll get this is I made up my mind, oh yeah, that I was going to stop taking ambient and that was it it's crazy how powerful that little shift in a mindset can be.
00:08:43.114 --> 00:08:50.303 And it's hard to explain that to somebody, because a lot of times people ask me like how I got sober?
00:08:50.303 --> 00:08:59.640 And it's such a hard question to answer because it looks a little bit different for everybody.
00:08:59.640 --> 00:09:19.544 But at the end of the day, when I quit this last time, I made the decision that, no matter what the emotion, no matter what the circumstance, no matter what the stress, I was never going to pick up another substance and I haven't looked back.
00:09:19.544 --> 00:09:26.049 Yeah, but I don't know why that just doesn't click for certain people.
00:09:26.049 --> 00:09:27.052 Do you know what I mean?
00:09:28.263 --> 00:09:30.147 yeah, and you're you're.
00:09:30.147 --> 00:09:42.604 Your journey's a bit different than mine in that, I don't know, without having a recovery program for me, I'm not so sure.
00:09:42.604 --> 00:09:43.163 I'm not.
00:09:43.163 --> 00:09:44.304 I don't think I could have done it.
00:09:44.304 --> 00:10:00.534 If I'm being honest with you, and part of when we get into the story, you'll understand why I say that, because once I got away from that the program, I made decisions that ultimately, I couldn't say I was sober anymore.
00:10:00.534 --> 00:10:05.118 I wasn't drinking, but I wasn't sober, and there's a big difference there.
00:10:05.118 --> 00:10:05.921 You know what I mean?
00:10:05.921 --> 00:10:07.224 Yeah, absolutely.
00:10:07.664 --> 00:10:19.332 Yeah, there was a lot of stuff that led up to me getting to the point of making that decision, which I can get into in a bit, but it was an internal thing.
00:10:19.332 --> 00:10:19.933 But.
00:10:19.933 --> 00:10:31.548 But once I made that decision, I just I't looked back, and the power of making a decision is extremely powerful.
00:10:31.548 --> 00:10:38.835 So I want to ask you tell me a little bit about life growing up.
00:10:38.835 --> 00:10:41.937 What did your life look like growing up?
00:10:43.481 --> 00:10:45.163 What did your life look like growing up?
00:10:45.163 --> 00:10:49.749 I grew up in probably one of the nicest neighborhoods in my town.
00:10:49.749 --> 00:10:53.092 I grew up in Mayberry, like the Andy Griffith show.
00:10:53.092 --> 00:10:58.904 It's just a small town, everybody knows everybody.
00:10:58.904 --> 00:11:07.393 I grew up on a golf course, at a country club, and my parents we weren't by any stretch the wealthiest people by any stretch.
00:11:07.393 --> 00:11:12.630 In fact, we were probably the the least wealthy of the people in the neighborhood.
00:11:12.630 --> 00:11:15.202 Which has it mayberry, north carolina.
00:11:15.202 --> 00:11:19.393 Yeah, it was mount airy north carolina now, but it is like it was made.
00:11:19.393 --> 00:11:25.493 Yeah, mayberry where everything started being filmed and and yeah, so everything's still Mayberry downtown today.
00:11:27.562 --> 00:11:37.432 And so I grew up around people that were doctors and attorneys and they had everything that they possibly wanted.
00:11:37.432 --> 00:11:41.851 So I always felt like I didn't fit in.
00:11:41.851 --> 00:11:46.849 I always felt like we were.
00:11:46.849 --> 00:12:10.255 I just felt like I was different, and it wasn't because I lacked for anything, because I had everything, really anything that I wanted, and I think part of that led into some of the decisions that I made, because I didn't have a whole lot of boundaries.
00:12:10.255 --> 00:12:12.288 My dad and mom split when I was 12.
00:12:12.288 --> 00:12:13.121 So we were.
00:12:13.121 --> 00:12:16.051 I was with my mom pretty much after that.
00:12:16.051 --> 00:12:17.205 My dad was still in the picture.
00:12:17.205 --> 00:12:19.845 But he traveled and so our boundaries.
00:12:19.845 --> 00:12:24.885 We didn't have a lot of boundaries and I got into a lot of trouble.
00:12:24.885 --> 00:12:28.434 I got into trouble at the age of boundaries and I got into a lot of trouble.
00:12:28.434 --> 00:12:34.043 I got into trouble at the age of five I caught stealing, and age 10, I burnt down a barn and Stealing at five.
00:12:34.063 --> 00:12:36.868 Yeah, where does that?
00:12:36.927 --> 00:12:37.469 come from?
00:12:37.469 --> 00:12:41.955 That's a great question, just no, I don't know.
00:12:44.369 --> 00:12:44.878 I don't know.
00:12:44.878 --> 00:13:03.269 That's that's pretty interesting Cause usually if we're doing that kind of stuff that young that's usually it's usually coming from something like I got caught stealing people's wallets from seven peaks, which is a water resort.
00:13:03.269 --> 00:13:12.052 I was going around and freaking jacking people's wallets at 12 years old and got caught and got taken to the police station.
00:13:12.052 --> 00:13:23.908 But later on I did some therapy and learned that I got sexually abused by my third grade teacher when I was eight years old.
00:13:23.908 --> 00:13:46.070 So that's really when I started acting out like I really started acting out because it created some internal, an internal belief system in me that something was wrong with me and I was broken and um and I don't know.
00:13:46.070 --> 00:13:51.761 Just I wasn't good enough and I started surrounding myself.
00:13:51.761 --> 00:14:02.306 I think I started attracting those kind of kids in my life and I really just started acting out a ton, and so it's interesting that that happened at five years old.
00:14:02.306 --> 00:14:12.057 I'm not saying that something like that happened to you, it's just I wonder what put you in that kind of mindset at such a young age.
00:14:14.280 --> 00:14:25.707 Only thing I can figure is I was a spoiled kid and so I didn't have I didn't really five, but there was a level.
00:14:25.707 --> 00:14:28.634 There's always been a level of entitlement.
00:14:28.634 --> 00:14:41.874 There's always been a level of I should be in another place, I should be higher, I should be doing better, I should be making more money, I should be in a different place than where I am.
00:14:42.620 --> 00:14:50.844 Yeah, that carried on for a while, what did your parents do for work?
00:14:50.844 --> 00:14:54.032 Because you said that you guys were middle class in comparison to the other people around you.
00:14:55.279 --> 00:14:55.561 Yeah.
00:14:55.561 --> 00:14:57.105 So my mom was a school teacher.
00:14:57.105 --> 00:14:58.129 She made no money.
00:14:58.129 --> 00:15:00.655 My dad was.
00:15:00.655 --> 00:15:04.408 He worked on the tobacco market so he made pretty good money.
00:15:04.408 --> 00:15:12.004 I don't know back then maybe a hundred grand, maybe I'm not sure really to today's dollars what that would be, but he did pretty well.
00:15:12.004 --> 00:15:15.498 But he traveled six, seven, eight months out of the year.
00:15:15.498 --> 00:15:24.855 So really when they divorced it wasn't a real huge difference in how I was being parented.
00:15:24.855 --> 00:15:28.649 My mom would have a little brother that's three years younger than me.
00:15:28.649 --> 00:15:34.311 He didn't really get into a lot of trouble and so it was a lot for my mom to handle, I think.
00:15:34.652 --> 00:15:42.025 Looking back, yeah, Did your parents the entitlement that you talked about?
00:15:42.025 --> 00:15:45.528 Did your parents the entitlement that you talked about?
00:15:45.528 --> 00:15:45.889 Did your parents?
00:15:45.889 --> 00:15:50.033 They're surrounded by all these rich people that have a lot of stuff.
00:15:50.033 --> 00:15:58.809 Do you think that got to them at all and that, in turn, translated to, transmuted to you?
00:15:58.809 --> 00:16:07.679 Do you think that's where you picked some of it up, or do you think it was solely because you saw all of these people around you that had everything that they wanted?
00:16:08.041 --> 00:16:20.970 I think it's both because we were a member of the country club, but we were like we were in debt up to our ears and of course I didn't realize that then.
00:16:20.970 --> 00:16:28.721 Realize that then.
00:16:28.721 --> 00:16:31.505 But there for us to I don't know there'd be a minimum at the country club and we would have to.
00:16:31.505 --> 00:16:43.924 We'd have to make that every month and it would be a conversation about what day of the week or what day of the month we were going to go spend this two hundred dollars at the to just make the minimum to be able to be a member there.
00:16:43.924 --> 00:16:51.355 So it was almost like we were scraping by to a degree to stay up with the Joneses, so to speak.
00:16:52.076 --> 00:17:03.732 Yeah, so when your parents got divorced at 12 years old, you said that it didn't really change a whole lot just because your dad was already traveling a lot and stuff.
00:17:03.732 --> 00:17:07.144 But did it affect you in different ways?
00:17:07.586 --> 00:17:09.371 it did actually so it did.
00:17:09.371 --> 00:17:35.190 I shouldn't have said that it didn't change a lot, because actually I think that is when things really turned, or turned for me, because we moved out of the country club to the other side of town, which was devastating because I had I'd grown up with these kids all my life and we moved across the way and now I don't have these friends anymore.
00:17:35.190 --> 00:17:37.366 They're just turned their back on me.
00:17:37.366 --> 00:17:40.861 And my mom had she dated this guy.
00:17:40.861 --> 00:18:01.474 Mom had she had dated this guy, but I guess in college for years he went into the army, she went to college maybe that's what happened and this guy, after 20 years or 15 years, pops back into my mom's life.
00:18:01.474 --> 00:18:02.915 It just, it was an accident.
00:18:02.915 --> 00:18:08.740 They just happened to see each other walking through town and sort of talking he was getting a divorce, she was getting a divorce.
00:18:08.799 --> 00:18:22.968 So now I've got this dude who I had zero respect for and he was starting to come around, and then he eventually moved in and he wasn't a bad guy.
00:18:22.968 --> 00:18:29.284 I just didn't moved in and he wasn't a bad guy, I just didn't.
00:18:29.284 --> 00:18:29.664 I was just I.
00:18:29.664 --> 00:18:40.104 I hated him, right, because now, for whatever reason, I hated him and so yet that took a lot.
00:18:40.104 --> 00:18:53.576 I took a toll on my psyche, moving and realizing like I'm not in the same group that I was in before.
00:18:53.576 --> 00:18:56.086 It was like literally moving across the tracks.
00:18:57.250 --> 00:19:00.390 Yeah, did your dad pretty quickly start dating anybody?
00:19:01.420 --> 00:19:03.741 He was probably dating people before they got divorced.
00:19:03.741 --> 00:19:06.949 If I had to guess, yeah, anybody, he's probably dating people before they got divorced.
00:19:06.949 --> 00:19:14.400 If I had to guess, he moved to Tennessee.
00:19:14.400 --> 00:19:16.241 But quite frankly, justin, we saw him more after they got divorced than we did before.
00:19:16.261 --> 00:19:45.154 Yeah, the reason I'm asking that question is, once you start looking into the amount of effect that you're, the development of a child's brain is so fundamental and it will affect somebody's life for the rest of their life, whether they're conscious of it or not.
00:19:45.154 --> 00:19:54.047 So that thing that happened to me when I was eight years old, I literally blocked it out for over 15 years and I blocked it out.
00:19:54.047 --> 00:20:03.060 And when I hear people tell me that they block stuff out, I thought they were full of shit, but I literally blocked it out until I was in a group therapy session later on.
00:20:03.060 --> 00:20:04.443 But that's another story.
00:20:04.443 --> 00:20:07.407 Did you block it out until I was in a group therapy session later on, but that's another story.
00:20:07.448 --> 00:20:10.073 Did you block it out Subconsciously?
00:20:10.073 --> 00:20:11.595 You couldn't have blocked it right?
00:20:15.960 --> 00:20:16.723 No, subconsciously, that was my point.
00:20:16.723 --> 00:20:18.411 Subconsciously it was still affecting the way that I was viewing the world.
00:20:18.411 --> 00:20:20.239 It was affecting the way that I was living life.
00:20:20.239 --> 00:20:26.059 It was affecting the way that I viewed myself and the lack of like self-worth that I had for myself.
00:20:26.059 --> 00:20:33.288 It was affecting me, but I didn't realize it, and that's scary dude.
00:20:33.288 --> 00:20:51.125 Stuff that we learn about ourselves later on in life is correlated to things that happened to us when we were growing up.
00:20:51.145 --> 00:20:57.500 Yes, I agree so did it make you the guy that your mom started dating?
00:20:57.500 --> 00:21:00.443 Where did you just initially hate him?
00:21:00.443 --> 00:21:03.008 Were you mad at your mom for?
00:21:05.371 --> 00:21:05.431 I.
00:21:05.431 --> 00:21:07.835 I don't think I was mad at my mom.
00:21:07.835 --> 00:21:10.863 I just I did.
00:21:10.863 --> 00:21:15.509 I wasn't very cooperative, I didn't really listen to him.
00:21:15.509 --> 00:21:18.432 He was just.
00:21:18.432 --> 00:21:23.226 I didn't feel like I needed to listen to him.
00:21:23.226 --> 00:21:30.444 I have a dad, I don't need to listen to you and we did everything possible to get him to leave.
00:21:30.444 --> 00:21:35.714 We put sugar in his gas tank, just some really gnarly shit.
00:21:35.714 --> 00:21:38.886 And if it had been me I probably would have killed me.
00:21:38.886 --> 00:21:44.305 If I would have been him, I should have said it was rough going.
00:21:44.305 --> 00:21:45.829 It was rough going.
00:21:45.829 --> 00:21:48.182 Plus, he had two kids and it was just.
00:21:48.182 --> 00:21:50.029 It was a lot of changes.
00:21:50.029 --> 00:21:54.085 It was a lot of changes and that's I would say.
00:21:54.085 --> 00:21:57.613 That's probably when I mean I started smoking cigarettes.
00:21:58.599 --> 00:22:00.708 How old were you when you started doing that?
00:22:00.708 --> 00:22:02.445 Probably 12 or 13.
00:22:02.445 --> 00:22:09.710 So was that the first thing that you tried substance-wise was smoking cigarettes.
00:22:10.131 --> 00:22:10.330 Yeah.
00:22:14.001 --> 00:22:15.667 Alright, and then where did it go from there?
00:22:19.221 --> 00:22:38.063 I had a buddy of mine this was probably in junior high, so I want to say 13, 14, 13, 14 years old lived in a neighboring town, like in virginia, and he had a four wheelers and all kinds of shit, and so I would go out to his house on the weekends and that's where I first drank.
00:22:38.063 --> 00:23:03.971 And the best way I can describe when I first drank was my anxiety was gone, like I felt like I could talk better, I could think quicker, I felt comfortable in my own skin, yeah, and so I wanted more of that every chance I could get.
00:23:04.573 --> 00:23:11.563 Yep, and then it stopped working.
00:23:11.583 --> 00:23:21.792 So you've already talked about it a little bit, but do you know where that underlying feeling came from at that age?
00:23:21.792 --> 00:23:34.519 I guess it could be a mixture of a lot of the stuff that that we've talked about but I don't really I can't pinpoint a specific like situation, like sort of like you alluded to.
00:23:35.141 --> 00:23:40.432 I don't have anything that I can really point it to, like that.
00:23:41.140 --> 00:23:43.125 I just don't remember not feeling like that.
00:23:43.647 --> 00:23:48.809 Well, I tell you so around seventh grade.
00:23:48.809 --> 00:23:51.904 So I was a fat kid and this could play into it.
00:23:51.904 --> 00:23:56.974 I was a fat kid and I was when I was.
00:23:56.974 --> 00:24:00.823 We finished up sixth grade and we went to a pool.
00:24:00.823 --> 00:24:06.734 I went to a pool party with the same kids from the neighborhood in the first neighborhood.
00:24:06.734 --> 00:24:10.406 I talk about this in my book.
00:24:10.406 --> 00:24:12.923 Actually, I walked up and got on the diving board.
00:24:12.923 --> 00:24:19.250 You know how you bounce up and down on the diving board, but my boobs would flap up and down because I was fat.
00:24:20.621 --> 00:24:23.849 These girls asked me after I got out of the pool to do it again.
00:24:23.849 --> 00:24:29.808 I'm thinking, oh, they must think I'm cute, so I do it again and I get out.
00:24:29.808 --> 00:24:33.269 And one of them asked me if I ever thought about wearing a training bra.
00:24:33.269 --> 00:24:35.366 So it's fucking crushed.
00:24:35.366 --> 00:24:38.809 I mean, it was the most embarrassing thing.
00:24:38.809 --> 00:24:44.086 I can't think of too many more things that would have been that embarrassing.
00:24:44.086 --> 00:24:51.496 And so that summer, dude, I dieted and I lost weight and I've never gained that weight back.
00:24:51.496 --> 00:24:55.832 So I think the insecurity maybe started from me being fat.
00:24:56.861 --> 00:25:01.071 Yeah, that's a pretty, that's pretty young.
00:25:01.071 --> 00:25:04.912 So how old were you when you were on the diving board and that happened?
00:25:07.220 --> 00:25:12.750 And the girl said something and then you dieted that summer.
00:25:13.271 --> 00:25:13.973 Yes, I did.
00:25:14.220 --> 00:25:16.207 That's pretty crazy if you think about it, dude.
00:25:16.709 --> 00:25:16.868 Yeah.
00:25:18.320 --> 00:25:30.653 Twelve years old to already like start worrying about that stuff to the point where you're going to like, from your own decision, like choose to start dieting.
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